


Virgin!

by Ihopeitsbenign



Series: Angel [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Original Character(s), Porny, Romance, Shameless Smut, Tags cannot do justice to the story, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:50:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihopeitsbenign/pseuds/Ihopeitsbenign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid meets a new guy that he's desperate to impress so he claims to be more sexually experienced than he really is. While his new boyfriend is out of town he asks Morgan to help improve his skill so his cover won't be blown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters. Wish I did.

Morgan stared at his best friend with a puzzled frown. "Are you trying to kill me?" He waved the sodden mess on the end of his fork under Reid's nose. "This is not a casserole and no part of it has ever been chicken."

"I don't know what went wrong I followed the recipe to the letter." Reid looked distressed as he scrapped the food on to a single plate and dumped it in the kitchen sink. He turned with an odd smile. "I have that beer you like."

"What's going on with you? You seem twitchier than usual."

Reid placed the open bottle in front of Morgan his eyes darting anywhere but at those knowing eyes. "I – uhhh kind of need a favor!" His voice cracked on the last word and he cleared his throat nervously. "A big favor."

"So all this was a bribe?" Morgan's wave encompassed the tiny kitchen taking in the carefully set table, home cooked meal and foreign alcoholic beverages. An old fashioned radio – it still had a tape deck for Gods sake – was tuned to Morgan's favorite station. If he didn't know better, he'd think Reid was trying to seduce him.

"I prefer to think of it as incentive." Pointy knees knocked his under the tiny table.

"Incentive to what? Out with it. You're starting to make me nervous."

"We are friends right?" Reid got up and started to pace. His long legs ate up the tiny space. "I mean you tell me all the time that I can tell you anything."

Morgan leaned forward placing his elbows on the battered tabletop. The kid never really opened up about personal stuff so whatever it was it must be big. "Okaaay, what's up?"

"I met someone."

"That's it? You had me worried for second there, man. Who is she?"

"He."

"You did this whole song and dance routine cos you were afraid to tell me that you're gay?" Morgan got up leaning next to Reid by the sink. "I'm a little insulted. You know I'm not homophobic."

"I'm not gay. I think maybe. I don't know – it's just him! I've never felt that way before. Hot and fluttery and…"

"Horny?"

Reid flushed a deep red. "I prefer aroused but – yeah"

"So you want me to meet this guy? Check him out."

"No I - I uhhh sex."

It was difficult to decipher Reid's meaning amidst all the mumbling. "You need sex advice? Can't you figure out where everything goes? You are a genius after all."

"I know where everything goes. I need – I want you to have sex with me."

Morgan had to lean in to catch the last part. Reid's voice was barely a whisper by that point. "You want me to WHAT? Why?"

"I may have led Alex to believe that I'm more - um experienced than I really am."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Morgan barked at him. "Do you have any idea how easily you get hurt?"

"I panicked. I know his last…the guy he was with before. He is perky, outgoing and sexual whereas my charms tend to appeal to a very small select group of people." The derisive laugh was painful to hear. "He barely noticed me till I began to channel you. The confident swagger and everything."

"Ah Dr. Reid! You seem better than the rest of us then something like this happens. Turns out you are just a guy led around by his cock like the rest of us."

"Are you mocking me? I think you're mocking me."

"Why don't you just watch a video or read a book something other than this?"

"I already did that. I have the theoretical part down but in practice my reactions are unschooled and awkward. I'm not comfortable being touched. You are in fact the only person so far that I… Standing here baring my soul to you isn't as fun for me as it is for you."

"Reid…"

"I am lonely. I am. I don't have anyone. Do you how strange it is to be surrounded by couples all the time? JJ and Will, Kevin and Garcia, Hotch and Beth. Hell even you have a different girl on your arm every week." His voice rang out stronger edged with determination. "I'm going to die alone if I don't at least try to be normal. Alex is smart and he likes me. He actually likes me. He didn't roll his eyes once when I accidentally went on and on about the Death Star."

"That  _ **is**_  the dream." Morgan shook his head in disbelief. "He doesn't even know the real you"

"Dammit Morgan, I am not you. I don't meet a dozen people willing to date me every time I walk out the front door. If this is the only chance I get to be with someone I'm going to take it."

"Then why don't you just come clean? If he cares at all about you he will understand."

Dripping with sarcasm Reid replied, "Yeah because virginity is such a desired trait in a 30 year old man." He brushed his hair impatiently from his face. "Besides its too late I already lied. The only thing I can possibly do right now is turn the lie into truth before he gets back in three weeks."

"So you'd rather cheat on him than be caught in a lie?"

"In order to be unfaithful I'd have to engage in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. No promises have been made so technically we aren't together yet. From that we can infer that it's not really cheating."

"There's nothing a guy loves like logic when he discovers his boyfriend been sleeping with somebody else. Maybe you should use a professional?"

"A prostitute? NO. I'd rather be with somebody I trust. You are at the top of a very short list."

It was Morgan's turn to pace. Images flashed through his mind, Reid naked - on his knees, begging for him. How is it he'd never given a second thought to his friend's sexuality and now it was all he could think about? "How much do I have to show you?"

"Everything."

"Everything? I saw you kiss Lila so maybe we don't need to go that far back."

"You saw her kiss me and it ended pretty quickly. I didn't have time to analyze exactly what I was feeling let alone doing. I'm not sure what role tongues are supposed to play. You know like…" He demonstrated pink tongue flicking and darting doing a very poor imitation of a terrible porn star.

Morgan's palm connected with the back of his head. "No. No. You never do that to anyone. Ever."

"Ow! Is your tutorship going to involve hitting? I don't like that."

"Don't be a baby. It was a love tap."  _You don't yet know what you like._ Morgan's heart began to thud, blood racing in anticipation. This was actually happening. "If I'm to do this we need rules. One; nobody ever finds out about this. I mean nobody."

"The Great Derek Morgan? Who would even believe me?"

"Pay attention I have no problem hitting you again. Two; I'm always the pitcher never the catcher."

"Wait, I know that phrase. It is sports." Reid crowed in triumph. "Why are we talking about sports - its an analogy - a baseball analogy! Ha!"

"Get there faster."

"Catching." A sudden blush infused his entire face spreading down to his neck. "I uh prefer to uh – catch anyway."

"Ok. Three; if at any time either one of us wants to stop, we stop. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Come on. We should start before I change my mind."

"Now? I had a - uh plan and flash cards." Reid followed him into the living room. "I've been cooking and it was really hot. Shouldn't I be cleaner?"

"You think too much." He patted the cushion next to him. Reid shuffled forward and sat stiffly next to him. "Kiss me." He ordered.

Soft dry lips brushed his so quickly they'd been and gone before Morgan could catch his breath. "Was that okay?"

This was obviously going to be more show than tell. "This will be easier if I kiss you. Just follow my lead."

Morgan leaned over till their noses touched he was so close he could see the flecks of gold in Reid's nervous eyes. Head cocked he gently pressed against the tightly closed lips stroking his hand up the slim back. Excitement slammed into him at the chaste kiss. If he could think he might have questioned how quickly he'd embraced their new status quo but it didn't matter to him how they'd come to be here just that they were. With a soft sigh Reid slightly parted his lips chasing his tutor's hot mouth even as his slight body shivered and trembled in desire. Morgan run his big hand along the back of Reid's neck sliding his dark fingers up into the soft brunette tresses. He felt delicate under him breakable even, every shuddery breath made Morgan feel bigger, stronger his alpha side barely restrained. He'd never wanted to pin somebody down and just take as badly as he did right now.

It would have been perfect except for one tiny problem. "What's going on with your hands? You look like you're trying to take flight!"

"I don't know where to put them."

"Go with your instincts." Reid still eyed him warily. "You can touch me wherever you want."

Morgan captured the soft pink lips again, gratified to feel a cautious hand grabbing his bicep.  _God, he'd never been this hard!_ He felt it the moment Reid fully relaxed because he began to rub excitedly against him. His other hand dipped under the tight t-shirt to trace the tattoo on Morgan's lower back. The noises Reid made; soft gasps and desperate pants reached inside him tugging at his groin.

He had to get closer. With a powerful move he flipped the genius under him thrusting urgently between the widespread legs. The ancient couch protested under their combined weight letting out a squeak with every pumping motion. Reid's slim legs wrapped tight around his waist a slow bump and grind mashed clothed erections together. Morgan tried to get up… slow down… breathe but Reid made a sound of distress and dragged him back down fusing their lips together. Open-mouthed wet kisses drew him into a deep dark well of need.  _Sweet, he was so fucking sweet!_

"I can't stop." Morgan breathed into that intoxicating mouth. His mind swam even as he picked up the pace.  _Holy fuck!_  He slipped his tongue back into Reid eating the wild cries as the slim body shuddered and heaved against his. The liquid warmth that soaked through his pants set him off. "Reid." He bellowed hand fisted in Reid's hair holding him in place as he pumped to completion with mindless abandon.

Their harsh breathing echoed in the room as they trembled riding out the aftershocks. "Morgan?"

"Hmmm."

"Can't breathe."

 _Oh damn._  Morgan scrambled off of him. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

The languid heavy lidded smile Reid bestowed on him shook him to his core. "Is it always so – um - intense?"

 _No._  "Yes." Morgan shook his head in an attempt to clear the lusty fog that still danced up and down his spine.  _That was a hell of a kiss._  "It's always like that."


	2. Chapter 2

Morgan waited impatiently in his office. A quick look at the clock showed it'd just gone 8. Where the fuck was Reid? It's not like he had to spend a lot of time in the shower, he paused at the thought of that skinny – skinny white body dripping with suds wet, slippery. He was hard again! Great! After he'd spent all last night jerking off like a pimply teenager…there he is. Thank God!

He took out his phone and hit the speed dial. He could see Reid through the large window. He was rifling through his man purse to find his phone. How much crap does he have in there? Bingo!

"Morgan, hi"

"Why are you whispering?"

"I - I - I"

"Do you have any idea how hot it makes me when you stammer like that? I just want to give you something else to do with that mouth."

"Morgan…" He whined breathlessly scrambling into his chair. "Don't do that."

"Do what, pretty boy? Turn you on. I assume that's why you're pressed up so hard against the desk?"

Reid searched around the bullpen for him in vain.

"Do you want me to stop?" Morgan could see him shaking his head, knuckles white as he dug into the wood. "Say it."

Reid's doe eyes finally collided with his, rendering distance useless "Don't – stop!"  _He may as well just have reached out and grabbed your cock._

"I got you a lil something. Top drawer."

He waited while the slim agent pulled out the carefully wrapped package. Nobody in the history of time had ever unwrapped a present so carefully. By the time he pulled open the box and picked up the large sucker Morgan was ready to explode.

"You got me a lollipop?"

"Cherry for my cherry."

"It's so – um – big!"

"That's the idea. I want it in your mouth."

Reid ripped off the candy wrapper eyes shyly flicking to Morgan for instruction. "Now lick it. Just the tip. Slowly..."

"Hey, hot stuff"

 _Son of a bitch!_  The high-pitched voice almost gave him a heart attack. "Garcia, you need to wear a bell or something." He snapped at her dragging the high backed chair in front of him.

"That's no way to talk to the goddess that brings you blueberry muffins." She dropped a basket on his desk removing the checked cloth with flair. "You need to get laid. It will calm all that crazy down."

 _I am trying._  Morgan glanced back quickly only to discover Reid had left his station. He had a good idea where he'd find him. Just need to get rid of Garcia.

"I'm sorry sweetness, my mum's sick. It's just a cold but she's old you know how it is. Could you give me a second? I need to call her." He felt a slight pang of guilt for using his mum as an excuse. God she'd have his head if she knew. Luckily all thoughts of his mama took care of the problem in his pants. "You know what I will feel better if I call her from the roof. This place…"He gestured. "With the cameras. No privacy. That's what I get for working for the man. See ya."

He dashed out too afraid to look back. One hint of deception from him and she'd go nuts trying to sniff the truth out.  _Working for the man?_  He'd never said those words a day in his life. He was fucking idiot!

Morgan slowed down when he got to the break room. The sight of Reid bent over fiddling with the coffee maker muttering to himself set him off again. Tight grey material stretched across high firm cheeks. God that ass! His palms actually itched to touch, grab, fondle.

Reid sprang upright like a gazelle scenting a lion when Morgan closed the door. He turned around warily, eyes devouring, lips still held the hot pink stain from the candy. "That was – uh!" he shook his head, "not professional."

"Do you want to stop?" Morgan asked as he crowded him.

"N – N –No."

"You know what does to me." Morgan looked around spotting the open door to the empty pantry. That will do.

He dragged him inside, locked the door and shoved the genius against it. Their lips met in a violent kiss, Reid giving as good as he got. Morgan had never held back so carefully, he ached to ravage the hot mouth till he there was nothing left.  _Slow down. Don't freak him out._  He pushed Reid away from him pining the slender man to the unforgiving wood.

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

"Ask for what you want." Morgan kissed him again pulling back and holding him against the door when he reached for him.

Reid mewled piteously. "You know what I want."

"Ask." Morgan ordered.

Reid pouted for a while. He looked so thoroughly dejected Morgan almost caved. Then his mouth twisted in a naughty grin, he looked up, an unholy light gleaming in those beautiful brown eyes. Here we go. "Touch me." His long tapered fingers traced the bulge in his pants. It was Morgan's turn to groan as he rushed to answer his bidding.

Their eyes met and held as Morgan slowly undid his belt and zipper, letting the pants slide to the floor with a silent whoosh. "Hmmn, I'm disappointed. You seemed like a tighty-whitey kind of guy." He startled a laugh out of Reid that erupted into a gasp when Morgan thrust his thumbs into the boxers roughly pushing them down.

 _Oh fuck!_  This was even better than he'd imagined. Pale skin glowed as a proud cock jutted from a nest of soft brown curls. He had to touch. His fingers lightly grazed the sensitive head and Reid began to vibrate his whole body twisting and dancing while he moaned incoherently. "Touchme!Touchme!" repeated over and over.

Morgan almost drowned under the surge of power that coursed through him. His own pleasure was forgotten. He wanted to see Reid go over the edge, know that it was him – only him - that did it for him. He rubbed his palm slowly over the weeping head, gobs of precum slid down the shaft, running down the pale thighs. His other hand cupped the heavy balls tugging lightly while he nibbled at the flushed neck. Reid began to thrust desperately into his wet palm.

Morgan clapped his hand over his mouth after a particularly high scream.  _That's my boy!_  Still throaty moans leaked out as Reid tumbled towards completion. Morgan worked his hand in a twisting motion and Reid released a ragged sound.

"Come…" Reid's eyes glazed over at Morgan's hoarse whisper. "…now."

He stepped aside just in time to avoid getting painted by Reid's cum as the genius shook with every spurt; his knees trembled then gave out and he sunk to the pantry floor.

Reid was practically comatose when Morgan redressed him. "What have you done to me?"

"'I'm giving you 'experience'." Derek kissed his swollen pink lips. "You'll thank me later."

Morgan waited till Reid had composed himself enough to leave. He wanted desperately to relieve himself but those lips wrapped around his shaft later would be worth the wait.

He drew to a halt when he finally escaped the dank room. This is the last thing he needed right now.

"I don't know what you think you're doing screwing around with Reid but keep it at home." His boss snapped at him.

"Screwing around with Reid? I have no idea what you are talking about."

"I can see into your office from the conference room."

"Hotch, I am begging you do not breathe a word of this to him."

Hotch raised that fucking stubborn brow at him that said' don't be an idiot'. The superior smug bastard. He of course would never be caught in little more than a closet with a co-worker. It seemed safest to retreat. He was almost out the door when he heard. "And Morgan?" He turned around reluctantly. "Be careful."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am keeping Prentiss I know her character left at the end of season seven but I prefer to believe that she will return at some point.

"Is he…giggling?" Morgan stared incredulously at Reid. He'd never seen him act so girly, as in teenage girl - girly. They'd been called to Atlanta to track down a serial killer that targeted middle aged divorced women in affluent neighborhoods. Each time the killer had ripped them open from collar to taint, scooped out their hearts and displayed it prominently on their mantels. Sara Hamilton was his fifth victim in as many weeks. She'd been found when her teenage daughter came home suddenly from camp. The immediate family still huddled in shock in the driveway, comforting each other as best they could. It was in the middle of this mess that he could hear Reid giggling, his voice carrying through the open window from the backyard where he stood.

JJ stood besides Morgan arms across her vest. "He's talking to his new boyfriend." She told him. "Alex somebody. He won't let me meet him says he wants to make sure they stick first."

"Oh that's cute!" Prentiss remarked next to her. "He seems so happy."

"Yeah but what do we really know about this guy? He could be a nut job."

"That's awfully cynical, JJ. You have a child. Shouldn't you believe in fairytales, soulmates and all that crap? "

"What does being a mum have to with it?" JJ questioned indignantly.

Morgan let their argument wash over him. He refused to join in. All he could do was watch Reid. Watch him wave his arms about, laugh into the phone and chatter in the sort of animation he usually only saved for his geek stuff. It was unsettling and he couldn't figure out why the more he watched him the more pissed off he got. The house was swamped with law enforcement and his coworkers. This was not the time to deal with this. If ever.

"We are in the middle of a crime scene." He snarled at Prentiss before he stormed off. "Shut him up."

Much later they were about to give the profile when Reid sidled up next to him. "Sorry." He whispered. "Alex called and I lost tra..." Morgan moved away from him ignoring his puzzled frown and going to stand next to Rossi.

A call came through on the tip line soon after which led to a flurry of activity. By the time Morgan limped down the 70's themed hallway at 2am all he wanted to do was get into bed and ease the pressure on his throbbing ankle. He paused inside the doorway. The sound of the shower running was a sudden unwelcome reminder that he and Reid were sharing a room. It didn't take long for all his unacknowledged rage to roar back especially when Reid came back in, a tiny red scrap riding low on his jutting hip bones.

"Oh for fuck's sake." He muttered looking away. It seemed his body was determined to betray him. He turned his back on the tempting creature putting his gun and badge on the bedside drawer.

"Morgan?"

"What? What the fuck do you want?" He snapped turning around to find the pale skin too close to him. Beads of water chased each other across alabaster before disappearing into the fluffy towel. Pink nipples pebbled under his hot gaze. He had to sit down. Rage, pain and desire clamored inside of him. Those innocent wide eyes peering meekly at him weren't helping.

"You seemed mad at me."

He wasn't going to get drawn into that conversation. Morgan lay back on the bed, eyes closed hoping Reid would just go to bed and stop torturing him.

"A - A – uh – are you okay?"

"Christ!" He moaned. "Don't do that right now."

"I just want to help."

"You want to help? You can go to bed…or you can put that mouth to good use and make me feel better." Silence filled the room and Morgan thought he'd succeeded in scaring him off. He tamped down his disappointment and tried to sleep. At the slight dip on the bed next to him his eyes snapped open to find a naked, trembling but determined genius, a pool of scarlet at his feet.  _God, he's so fucking beautiful!_

He was speechless when Reid climbed over him straddling his hips. The slender body shook so hard atop of him causing the bed to vibrate. Morgan's zipper dug into his hard cock and he reached down adjusting himself causing Reid to gasp at the slight caress. He was trying so hard for control as white teeth bit down on a plump lower lip, eyes briefly meeting Morgan's.

Morgan raised his hand letting his thumb brush over a hard nipple, Reid shivered leaning into the caress. "Look at me." Doe eyes clashed with his at the command. "I love you like this…on your knees…shaking… desperate for me." He dragged him down; hand fisted tight in silky hair and took him in hard kiss. "You'll do whatever I want?" His only reply was whimpers, moans and a head bob. "That's my pretty boy." He took one of the slender hands and pressed it tight against his buckle.

Reid scooted back a little and then pale fingers began to fumble with his belt. "Fuck!" He groaned when his hard length was exposed to those eyes, a hesitant but firm hand wrapped around him. Stroking, exploring, discovering. The sight of that mouth so close to him was too much and he forced him closer, hot breath on heated flesh.

"Fuck…God…fuck!" A pink tongue swiped at him. Darting and licking in hot wet circles, then finally he slowly sunk into the hot mouth. It was too much. Morgan's imagination didn't even come close to reality. He was torn between wanting to thrust and just lying back and letting his pleasure build. Slow sucking around the big head with a muffled humming sent shockwaves through him. He watched him, pink lips working obscenely up and down his shaft, the occasional catch of teeth triggered more pleasure instead of less.

Morgan could feel thrusting between his legs. Reid was so lost in what he was doing he humped against the duvet using the friction to feed his own need to come. Their coupling turned into a marathon, they urgently thrust, rocking and twisting. He threw his head back close to release. "I'm gonna –"he tried to move but the sucking mouth held him in a tight grip, tongue lapping frantically at the slit. He bucked crying out as orgasm took him oblivious to the other man reaching climax as well.

Reid collapsed head on a firm muscular thigh. He panted harshly into his groin. Warm gusts coursed over him, stirring him up again. Morgan run his fingers through brown tresses pulling him up to look into his wide stunned eyes. He was exhausted, replete. How did he still manage to look so fucking innocent after a ride like that?

"Angel?"

"Hmmn" Reid breathed out.

"Get up here." He coaxed and cajoled the boneless genius till he lay next to him. Morgan leaned in and kissed him, tongue probing he could taste himself salty and bitter. "You didn't have to."

"I wanted to taste you." Reid buried his face into his neck clinging to him. They lay like that in silence until the younger man drifted off to sleep loosening his grip on the damp shirt. Morgan run his hands up and down the skinny back, stopping to caress each bump of his spine before he pulled the duvet off the other bed covering them both.

Morgan was jerked from sleep by a shrill ringtone. His head felt like he was wading through cotton but Reid remained dead to the world still plastered against his side. "Reid phone." He jerked him awake.

The offensive sound finally ended. "Alex. Hi!"

_I have to get the fuck out of here._


	4. Chapter 4

Reid unlocked the door to his tiny empty freezing apartment. It felt good to be home. Their last case had been gruesome, the unsub…he didn't believe in the Christian definition of good and evil…but even a non believer could see the devil in Saul Ryan. He tried to clear his head, purge the filth that clung to him. It never did him any good to bring his work home with him. Monday morning would come soon enough.

Especially since Atlanta had become one of his favorite cities. The thought of it brought to mind his best friend and his best friend's turgid cock shooting down his throat. Every time he closed his eyes he could taste him, feel him, pulsing throbbing bitter sweet. Reid swallowed convulsively.

Morgan had ignored him the whole way home. If he hadn't shut him out he would have noticed him staring, the impossible to hide, hungry glances dancing up and down his body. The craving was almost too much to bear. He leaned against his kitchen table ripped open his pants and grabbed his erect length. Replaying the hot kisses, the feel of that firm mouth working over his had him groaning. This was the best use of his eidetic memory he'd ever found.

It made no sense. He'd always hated feeling weak but he couldn't deny that he loved it when Morgan manhandled him…made him desire to submit to him.

Reid tugged harder at his cock pulled faster, memories slammed into him. God he wanted, he needed. He sobbed desperate for completion but unable to finish without that low seductive voice, demanding that he gives up his very soul. For a split second he considered going over to Morgan's he knew exactly how to work him now. He wouldn't even need to fake the stammer. Maybe the older agent would pull him forward gripping his hair. Strands tight pin pricks of pain spreading heat across his scalp. Maybe that's what he was; a slut for pain or a slut just for Morgan? What would it be like to hear those words from Morgan's lips?

A word he'd rather hear streaked across his conscious. Angel. He replayed it in the exact intonation. Angel. His cock twitched and bounced angrily as he spilled his load with an inhuman cry.

Reid sat on his kitchen floor watching his cum drip down the badly chipped counters. He knew that sexual congress inevitably led to emotional intimacy. His body was releasing hormones to form an attachment with his chosen mate that would ensure the continuation of the species. It was simple human biology. He knew that. But it was one thing to read about it quite another to live it. He was confused. Ideally he would have been able to talk to Morgan about what he was feeling… or Alex…God it hurt to think his name. He should end this madness. He wanted to end it. Maybe one last time then he'd tell Morgan he wanted to stop. This is ridiculous he was overreacting. He wasn't going to let his body triumph over his mind like an average man.

While cleaning up the kitchen then himself he carried on with his one person debate until his phone beeped ending the torturous session.

It was a text from Morgan. "I'm picking you up in an hour. Be ready."

His breath quickened butterflies exploded in his lower abdomen. He sat on his bed assailed with nerves. Was tonight the night? He knew Morgan had been taking things slow which he appreciated. The slow build had helped to ease some of his inhibitions and though he was still terrified to give himself to him completely, he was incredibly turned on. Apparently his erect penis knew no fear only want and anticipation.

Was that the time? A half hour had gone by. Morgan would be here soon. That didn't give him a lot of time. He wanted to appear confident, seductive but his clothes weren't exactly a fashion plate. His hallway mirror reflected pale skin, too bright eyes and untamable curls. Running around changing clothes, all the flipping and primping hadn't succeeded in making him a runway model. He'd have to do.

A heavy knock set his blood racing. He swallowed nervously and went to open the door. Morgan looked amazing. A thin red sweater clung to muscular contours and black pants hugged lean powerful thighs. He wanted to strip him explore every inch of the powerful body, first with his hands then with his tongue. He wanted to lap and lick and devour. Fingers snapped in front of his face.

"Spence, the drool is quite the compliment but we gotta go."

He flushed with embarrassment wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Let me get my coat." "He called you Spence." Reid worried as he hurried into his bedroom. "What does it mean?" He'd rather hear 'Angel' – God he was obsessed - maybe he'll say it if you please him again. Reid picked up his phone then hesitated, Alex might call. Morgan hated that. He hadn't tried very hard to shield his emotions the last time it happened and right now he just wanted Morgan to be with him with no distractions. Twinges of guilt ricocheted through him. "Am I being unfaithful?"

"Pretty boy, hurry it up. I don't got all night." He turned off his phone placing it in the drawer. Out of sight.

The silence in the cab was deafening. Morgan relaxed at the other end eyes closed head leaning back on the seat. Reid was a resentful mess. Why was he so comfortable? I'm a wreck. His pores set up a sweaty challenge that he only hoped his deodorant could match. A dark hand gripped his lap stilling the incessant tapping of his Converse on the vehicle floor. Its warmth traveled up his thigh tickling his groin, cupping his balls. In the dim interior their lips met seeking, feeding. Sharp teeth bit down on his bottom lip teasing it, drawing it into a hot dark cavern. Reid's head swam. He swallowed his moans; the cab driver stared without shame.

Morgan pulled away and signaled. "Here."

Reid tumbled out of the car shielding himself best he could. "Where are we?" The dark agent settled their bill chuckling when he faced him.

"Trust me."

His hand was taken and he was led down a dark alley to an unmarked black door. The three sharp knocks that followed were like something out of a bad movie. They made him uneasy. When a peephole opened at which Morgan flashed a card he got more curious than scared. The cloak and dagger routine held a certain appeal like he was on a spy mission or something.

When the door swung wide open to let them in, it revealed a huge bear of a man just inside the threshold. He cleared them grinning wryly at Morgan. "Couldn't stay away, could you?"

"This time I brought a friend." Morgan smiled back doing the weird one armed chest bump that Reid could never pull off. "Dr. Spencer Reid. Nico. He owns this fine establishment."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Doctor Reid." Nico (no last name?) nodded at him then addressed Morgan. "I set everything up especially for you. Enjoy."

"Thanks man."

Reid stumbled wide eyed as Morgan dragged him in his wake. The hall led to a wide open room with low music thrumming, strobe lights flashing. Half naked women plied their trade amongst the gaming tables. Their glittery bodies barely contained by sequined scraps. Black cages hung from the low ceiling in which gorgeous women and men of all races swayed to the beat grinding up and down simulating coitus. He tried to see everything but Morgan was focused on getting them to the end of the room.

"Was that the mayor?" He whispered hoarsely.

"Keep your head down." Morgan growled at him tucking his card into a hidden slot and hurrying into the room beyond. Another tastefully decorated hallway lined with evenly spaced doors lay beyond that. The occasional moans and whimpers escaped their tightly closed sentries. He blushed, vividly aware of what was going on beyond them.

"Is this a house of ill repute?"

"Ill repute? You are delightful." Morgan laughed picking up the pace. "Relax pretty boy it's all perfectly legal. Nico has friends in high places. They like to sin in private, hence this place."

"What are  _ **we**_  doing here?" Reid persisted. He found it hard to keep going without receiving all the facts.

"I'm running an experiment." Morgan stopped crowding up against him pressing him into the wall. "Confirming a theory…testing the waters. You should be proud of me."

Reid pushed his fear down. Morgan wouldn't hurt him. "W-W-What kind of experiment?"

"Whether you are strictly a burrito guy or if sometimes a taco will do." A dark whisper ghosted over his ear. "I wouldn't be a good teacher if I didn't help you figure it out." It was to his credit that he immediately understood that Morgan wanted to confirm his sexuality. Burrito referred to male genitalia and the taco to female. Why it mattered he had no idea.

"And here's one of your learning aids. This is Leilani." Morgan stepped aside to reveal a tall statuesque woman with heavy lidded green eyes that he stared resolutely into though he was drawn to the large breasts that strained the confines of her bejeweled bra. "I know how much you like blonds."

There suddenly wasn't enough air in the world. What was he doing? He tried to stave off the impending panic attack. "Reid?" Morgan held his gaze. "Imma be with you the entire time. If you wanna stop you say the word and we're out of here. Okay?"

Reid nodded. Just like that he stabled. The 'sinning' was still a cause for concern but he'd asked to learn. Nothing left to do but follow.

The room was beautiful. Red plush reclining sofas, soft lighting, buckets of champagne and trays of food were laid out strategically. In the midst of this decadence three topless women swung up and down poles which were bolted to the floor gleaming gold. Flashes of bare soft looking skin, plump breasts and hard nipples held him in thrall. Morgan wrapped his arms around him from behind pulling him into the hard chest. "Do you like…"

Reid swallowed the lump that refused to budge. "Yes." He croaked. His throat was so dry. He sank into the sofa snuggled between Morgan's spread legs resting back against his hard chest. The spectacle of excess, the anticipation of being served and possibly serviced had him almost spewing his load.

"Easy, genius." Morgan gentled him when one of the girls worked her way over. "You don't want to miss your first lap dance."

Reid's tie was tugged off, shirt unbuttoned. One by one the girls worked their magic till he was floating in a fog of want. Morgan held onto his hands, tonguing his neck. He wasn't allowed to touch. It was the sweetest torture and he was so thankful he'd masturbated before he left home. Otherwise this show would have been long over by now.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Morgan dragged his head back taking his mouth in a long hard kiss. "I'll let you cum."

"Let's do it here." He whined.

"Sorry babe, there's no sex in the champagne room. Now pick one." He was directed back to the gyrating dancers.

What was the protocol for this? Reid panted in delirium. Was this a test?

"Leilani it is." Morgan read him easily. "You haven't been able to take your eyes off her all night."


	5. Chapter 5

Morgan carried Reid into the dimly lit upstairs bedroom and tossed him down onto the king-sized bed. He stripped him slowly dazed brown eyes following every move he made. Balancing on top of him, he brushed the hair out of his face and kissed him. Their tongues tangling in wet heat. "Are you good?"

Beyond speech at this point Reid merely nodded. Morgan rolled off of him, stretched his strong arms behind his head, and lay back to enjoy the  
show.

When Leilani strutted in, hips swaying, Reid's breath caught. Her soft curvy body glittered with every step. Red tassels swinging from her firm high breasts. A low exotic sound filled the room as she began to dance. He could feel Morgan next to him, craved his touch but wasn't sure how to ask. This was not something he'd prepared for. A scarlet tassel flew through the air hitting him in the chest. She was stripping. Oh God! He needed to think. A jeweled thong hit him in the face. He peeped at her. OhGod OhGodOhGod! She stood before them naked, perfect and different. Now he needed to breathe.

"M-M-Morgan?"

"Relax kid, I'm right here."

She was crawling on the bed towards them. When she reached out and grasped his cock stroking it ever so slowly. He moaned with mindless abandon. She flicked her tongue out and lapped at his swollen member which was already leaking on his abdomen. Then throwing caution aside he cried out loudly when she opened her mouth wide and took all of him beginning to suck on his rigid pole.

"Morgan…Derek" Reid reached for him. "Please ple- arrgh…" He moaned when Leilani swallowed him to the root again. Morgan's hot mouth took his.

It was exciting to see Reid unravel pale body twisting on the bed as gold tresses bobbed up and down in the genius' lap. Morgan watched him impassively. He was aware of his distant simmering rage.  _Is that what he'd look like writhing wanton beneath his boyfriend?_

Reid wouldn't stop calling for him.

When she straddled him, making quick work of the condom and sinking down on the flushed cock he knew what Reid must be feeling. As Leilani's hips started to move slowly, the tight wet hot glove working him to fever pitch. Reid came undone. Those pale nimble fingers stroked the flat belly; cupped heart shaped cheeks, plucked and caught the bouncing heavy globes, pink mouth suckling at swollen nipples. Reid dissolved into heavy gasps; head tossed back as she rode harder and faster.

Hearing Morgan's encouragement, he kept on fucking her. Working in and out, faster and faster as he felt himself starting to boil over. He looked down and watched as he went all the way in and out, listened to the distinct sound of slapping as she tightened around him. Her body tensed and she arched her back. Reid exploded squirting deep into the clenching tunnel, hand gripping Morgan's.

Reid was shaking all the way home, mind in turmoil. He was so overwhelmed by what had just happened. It was so far the most scarily erotic experience of his entire life. Having Morgan there had been unbelievable. The cab sped silently on the rain slick streets, the world outside a blur. He was faced with so many unknown variables. His plan had been simple. Get some sexual experience, be with Alex. Being set adrift in this crazy sea of emotion was too much for him to deal with.

"Stop" Morgan took hand anchoring him. Warm lips kissed his forehead as he was tucked firmly into his side. "You're over thinking it."

Morgan maneuvered Reid to his queen size bed pulling the covers over him. He was a little worried. Reid hadn't spoken since they'd left Nico's. He looked tuckered out a tiny curled up lump clinging to the edge of his bed. After the night he'd had he was probably exhausted. A night he'd engineered with great malice. What right did he have to despoil a virgin?

 _What the fuck I'm I doing?_  Morgan stood in the tiny blue bathroom and washed his face. He could barely look himself in the mirror. You  _want him for yourself. The least you can do is man up and admit it._  He needed to go home, be with Clooney and wait for his world to get back to normal.

Arousal overshadowed his self disgust and he quickly jerked off recalling the sick voyeuristic pleasure he got from watching Reid. Shame rode him the whole way. He cleaned up quickly hopefully Reid was asleep and hadn't heard him. When he came out of the bathroom he shut the door behind him making as little noise as possible. The genius needed his sleep.

"Morgan?"

Goddammit! "Yeah?" He turned to find Reid's clear brown eyes locked on him.

"Why?"

"Why what?" He reluctantly made his way to the bed and sat down while Reid raised himself up resting his back on the fluffy pillows. Bright colored blobs caught his attention. Reid was the only guy over twelve he knew that still wore spaceship pajamas. He looked so fucking young.

"What was this whole night about? Don't get me wrong it was amazing but ultimately unnecessary."

Morgan rested his head in his palms. Elbows dug into his knees. This isn't a conversation he wanted to have but they'd already crossed so many lines. Maybe it was time to end it before he got in too deep. He was circling the drain as it was.

"Morgan?"

He hadn't paused to examine his motives before the night began. Sure he'd had a dozen bullshit reasons but they collapsed into nothing. In that moment it all crystallized into one terrifying realization. "If you were mine I'd want to be sure."

Reid shifted turning to face him, brow furrowed in confusion. "Sure about what?"

"If we were together I'd want to be sure that you were in it for the long haul. I wouldn't want you to wake up five…ten years down the road wondering what you'd missed out on." Morgan rested his chin in his palm and just took in the sight before him. Even with brown tufts pointed to the ceiling he was still gorgeous. "If maybe what you really wanted was to be with a woman and now  _ **you**_  can make an informed decision to be with your boyfriend. No regrets."

Reid stared back at him the silence stretching out unnaturally. "It was good but I don't want to repeat it. I know what I want. No regrets."

Alex. He wants his boyfriend. That lucky bastard.

"Stay with me." Reid whispered teeth chattering. "I don't want to be alone."

He wanted to object but when it came to the skinny genius he had no willpower. "Scoot" He stripped down to his boxers while Reid made room for him.

Reid sighed when Morgan pulled him into his arms spooning him. They shared one pillow. He'd never been so content.

"Goodnight Angel."


	6. Chapter 6

They jetted home from their latest case, which had once again, led them to small town America. A tiny thriving community that hugged the edge of Utah that had good salt of the earth folk who looked out for their neighbors and yet in the midst of that deceptive tranquility a serial rapist had burrowed deep preying on the good folk like an overblown louse. It had taken a little over four days to bring down the unsub, a seventeen year old high school dropout who felt compelled to rape to assuage his boredom.

Reid glanced out the window at the rushing clouds as the evening sun sent orange emissaries to bounce against the puffy forms. But even the spectacle of light and vapor couldn't hold his attention his gaze irrevocably drawn back to the older agent. Morgan was sprawled in the seat across from him, eyes closed, earphones blaring like they always did on their flights back home. He rubbed his shoulder wincing in pain and Reid ached to settle in his lap and ease him in any way he could.

Morgan shifted as if he could feel the lascivious thoughts, the apex of his spread thighs intensified the throbbing in the young genius' pants and he sprung up heading to the bathroom. He didn't need Morgan to wake up and catch him gawking. Reid took his time running cold water over his wrists and rearranging the towels, ever so grateful that a private jet had a more spacious bathroom than one on a commercial flight.

The sudden rapping on the door was insistent and Reid was afraid it would wake up the rest of the team who were passed out in various positions in the FBI jet. He flipped open the lock leaning against the sink as if every molecule in him would be lost if Morgan brushed up against him. "I just needed to stop thinking." He reassured. "I'm okay." ' _Mostly_ ' he added to himself.

"You don't seem okay." The older agent countered.

Reid turned bracing his hands on the salmon wallpaper. "You want to help me? How about you wear looser clothing?" He snapped. "That t-shirt is cutting into your arms probably slowing the flow of blood to your brain."

"Pretty boy, are you feeling alright?" The smug smile Morgan could barely conceal burned him. Why was he the only one struggling? Maybe because he got up from what he thought was a new chapter in their lives to find Morgan gone from his bed. No note. Nothing.

Reid spun back around. "Do NOT use the crazy voice."

"What?"

"Yeah it's the same tone you use to talk an unsub off a metaphorical ledge."

"Baby, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. What can I do?"

"Nothing." He shrieked hysterical when the larger man took a step forward. "Do not touch me."

Morgan ignored him and closed his arms around Reid to hold him in place. "I got you."

Reid was in great distress. "I don't like feeling like this all the time."

"Feeling like what?" Morgan straightened but started to run his hands over Reid's back, buttocks and thighs.

Too innocent to play games he blurted out exactly what had been spinning through his mind taunting him. "Like I can't breathe unless you are touching me."

Morgan grinned wickedly. He nudged Reid's nose with his and then kissed him slowly. Reid kissed him back soft and tantalizing, begging for Morgan to come and get more. He gave a low moan as he arched his back, twining his hands around his neck, pressing closer.

"You want me." Arrogant lips curved into a smile against his. "I can give you whatever you need." Morgan unbuckled his belt and pushed his pants down to his hips, freeing his flushed rearing dick for a rougher handling. Reid thrust his hips, driving his cock through Morgan's tight fist.

Reid panted. "It doesn't feel as good when I - when I do It." he stammered.

"When you touch yourself?"

He nodded ashamed to admit it. Since Morgan his hands hadn't been enough, they were too soft, too gentle. He needed harder, firmer, rougher.

Morgan took his mouth again. "I think about you too," He growled. "Open, desperate to receive me."

Reid shuddered and turned around. He dropped his head, gripping the sink hard, vision blurring. He should have felt humiliated, indignant, quick to preserve his own dignity but he could only spread his legs wider, plump cheeks in the air. Touch me, take me, they whispered.

"I think about you bent over in the briefing room, everybody watching me turn you into the little slut we both know you are." Morgan's words pummeled him. The throbbing in his cock picked up tempo. "Will you beg for me with that dirty little mouth? Beg me not to stop."

"Don't stop."

Morgan's big hand wrapped around his neck and squeezed hard until he looked up. Their eyes clashed in the mirror. He looked like a dark god behind him demanding obedience and carnal penance.

Reid tilted his chin exposing his neck for Morgan's white teeth; he closed his eyes, moaning wantonly. Morgan snaked his finger between firm ass cheeks to tease the spot hidden from view. The tight clench teasing him. He ached to bury inside him so deep he'd never make his way out.

With the tip of his tormenting finger, he slipped into Reid's hole, curled the end digit and popped the tight ring of muscle, repeatedly.

"Please," Spencer whispered.

"Please, who?"

"Please, Derek, please let me come," He pleaded.

"You're mine, aren't you baby? Tell me."

"I'm yours."

"You feel so fucking good.." Morgan held himself back from ploughing in and taking him, when he finally did he wanted to take his time. "You will let me take you whenever I want."

"Yes"

Morgan grabbed on to Reid's hips and yanked his body in tightly; he ground his rock hard cock into his crack. The big head caught on the tiny hole as he leaked pre cum coating him in his seed.

Reid shot to his tiptoes, grinding back Morgan smothered his screams as acute, perfect pleasure triggered every nerve ending in his shaft. He moaned when Morgan held him steady working against his marble cheeks harder faster.

The sweet smell of his angel's cum pushed him over the edge. He gripped his thighs hard leaving angry red marks and bit down the faint tang of blood filling his mouth as he painted Reid's back with streaks of his own release.


	7. Chapter 7

Morgan cleaned his lover up again wiping the damp white towel across his creamy back. Other than flinching slightly from the cold Reid was silent still bent over clutching the porcelain like his life depended on it. He tossed the towel into the garbage chute and redressed him slowly. "Baby?"

"Hmmm"

"We gotta go the plane will be landing soon."

Reid barely responded.  _Did I break him?_ Morgan leaned over him and pressed his chest to the taut back. He brushed feather light kisses along the shell of a pink ear, chuckling when Reid arched his spine and began to rub sensuously against him. He was like a cat begging for affection, so sweetly submissive and it pleased Morgan to no end.

The mild rap at the door shook them both and he could feel the panic well up in Reid. He squeezed him reassuringly before letting go. "Sit your pretty little ass down and I will take care of it."

Morgan edged out the door shielding Reid, completely unsurprised to find Hotch at the other end. "What's up?" He dripped bravado.

"What's up? Are you kidding me?" Hotch whispered furiously. "We talked about this."

"What the fuck man? We are not at work!"

"You are in the FBI jet on the way back from assignment surrounded by your team. THIS COUNTS AS WORK."

"Why do you keep interfering?" For the life of him, Morgan couldn't figure that part out.

Hotch just shook his head. "When you decide you really want to know, come find me and we'll have a drink and talk. Now get Reid out of that bathroom and into his seat before everyone wakes up."

Reid shuffled back as Morgan came back in. "HOTCH KNOWS!" He shrieked.

"Were you pressed up against the door?"

"This is not the Fortress of Solitude. I could hear you." Reid's stricken expression was gut wrenching. "Are we going to get fired?" At the new thought he began to gasp for breath his face reddened, a thick scary vein popping in his forehead.

Morgan forced him to the commode and shoved his head between his bony knees. "Breathe," He ordered rubbing his back until Reid calmed. "You are not going to lose your job."

"Are you sure?"

Morgan kissed the upturned lips gently. "I'm sure. Stop worrying and get back to your seat."

"Wait" Reid grabbed his wrist when he made to get up. Blunt nails dug into his flesh. "I'm sorry. I broke rule number one. Nobody is supposed to know."

"Baby, I came in of my own accord. I'm in this as much as you are."

"You're not goi – I thought you'd be angry."

"We are ok." Morgan opened the door for him. "Now go before Hotch comes back."

The fasten seatbelt sign dinged the moment they got to their seats. There was no time for conversation with the team wakening and preparing to land. Their eyes collided from time to time questioning, wondering and hoping for things Morgan wasn't prepared for. He put his earphones on and turned the music up loud. He didn't want to think. He wasn't ready.

xxXxx

Morgan took the next two days off. Until he was called in for a new case he alternated between yelling at the recruits at the Training Center and replacing shingles on one of his houses. Clooney made an able companion especially since he could retrieve a beer on command. The neighborhood was real friendly; women of all ages brought him dinner and drinks. They made their offers with hot eyes, flipping hair and swaying hips. His life was good. He didn't need anybody else.

When Garcia's special ringtone went off late Friday evening he felt settled, more like himself. "Sup, baby girl."

"Why don't you check your messages?" She screamed at him.

Hours later he would be unable to recall exactly how he got to the hospital without killing himself or his dog. The words 'Reid' and 'accident' fused into fear so great all he could do was move. The drunken ass that rammed Reid's crappy bucket of a car that had stalled at the side of the road – again – was irrelevant. Instinct led him where he needed to go.

Garcia stood up when he came racing down the hall. "Where is he?"

"Hold your horses, hot stuff. He's not alone."

Morgan barely heard Garcia as he burst through the white door she'd pointed at. The handle slammed against the wall dislodging a piece of plaster that crashed to the floor. He startled Reid who sat on the trolley bed his face so white it complemented the room, dry lips formed Morgan's name but no sound came out.

"Pretty boy" He strode towards him taking in the big wet brown eyes, the buzzing in his ears increased at the purple edged bruises that littered the exposed thin chest. Reid shivered leaning into his touch when he gently traced the edges of his ribs. "I – I should have been there."

Reid finally stammered out. "I'm sor-ry." The tensing of his body, mottled skin literally shrinking from Morgan's hands coupled with the throat clearing behind him was enough to let him know who was in the room with them. There must have been times in his life that were harder than this one, certainly more painful but he'd never felt as betrayed as he did with Reid's eyes boring into his, pleading for silence.

Morgan turned around to face the other guy – the boyfriend. He had shiny black hair, blue eyes and a genuine smile. Even the pretentious tweed blazer with the elbow patches couldn't take away from what he obviously was; a nice guy.  _Dammit!_  Unable to find fault with him he turned his rage back to Reid where it belonged. He fought the urge to wring the skinny little neck so he smiled back and took the proffered hand falling back into his role as best friend.

"You must be Agent Morgan it's so good to meet you. I'm Alexander Roth."

"Derek, please. Reid talks about you all the time."

The slightly shorter man glowed with pleasure. His blue eyes flicked towards Reid. "He does?"

Morgan shifted uncomfortable in his skin, violent urges nipping at his heels. He made his excuses before the googly eyes made him sick and left the room faster than he'd arrived almost trampling Garcia in the process. She beamed at him. He knew that naughty smile. "You called him."

"Yup!" She raised her hand for a high five.

"We barely know this guy and how the hell did he get here so fast?"

Garcia chased him down the hall electric blue heels clacking on the linoleum. "I checked him out. Alexander Roth, 34, Architect. Parents are living out their retirement in Catalina. He inherited his dad's architectural firm. His sister quit a high paying job as a lawyer and is now growing her own food at an ashram in India. He dates quite a bit but he's definitely not a player like somebody I could mention…" she skidded to a halt by the elevator where Morgan was stabbing the down button. "He's perfectly normal. No red flags of any kind. I wouldn't have called him otherwise. Luckily he'd flown in early to surprise Reid, can you believe it? It's like something out of a freaking movie. Fate, kismet, serendipity."

"Morgan?" He stood stony faced besides her. "What's going on?"

He ignored her continuing to punish the button until the doors whooshed open revealing Hotch who took one look at Morgan's expression and immediately assumed the worst.

"How is Reid?"

"Reid's never been better." Morgan snapped. "But I could really use that drink."

Hotch stepped back letting him in. The steel doors slid shut leaving a baffled Garcia behind.


	8. Chapter 8

"You look a little green." Reid let Alex help him lie down on the cool sheet. The slightest movement sent pain streaking to every corner of his banged up body and still he didn't know what felt worse his head, chest or the look Morgan had given him before he stormed out.

His eyes darted to and from Alex he couldn't believe he had dropped everything and shown up. It was flattering the concern he showed but every kind word and gentle touch made Reid feel more awful. He hadn't even flinched when he found out about the dilaudid just argued with the doctor about different pain management options.

Reid could see him sitting ramrod straight in an abandoned wheel chair, head bent forward as he filled out the insurance forms. Between questioning Reid about his details he chewed on the pen cap, foot tapping furiously.

Reid cleared his throat and he looked up. "You didn't have to come."

His blue eyes softened with concern. "I wanted to." He looked down again clipping and unclipping the papers. "I sort of took over, didn't I? Busywork keeps the worry at bay. But I understand if you want your friends to deal with this?"

"No - its nice." Reid closed his eyes and realized it really was nice. It'd been so long since anybody took care of him it felt good to just lie back without feeling obligated to contribute.

His mind however had other plans and it went where it always did when he had a moment to himself. Morgan. Morgan. Morgan. When he left work hours before he'd been hoping to end up in Morgan's bed. He hadn't seen him in days and the intense craving had taken precedence over caution. All his lust morphed into disappointment when Morgan wasn't home and instead of continuing to his apartment he'd pulled over to try and reach him on his cell. Before he could dig his phone out of his messenger bag a pair of lights had blinded him then cast him into complete darkness.

By the time he came to he was being wheeled into Starke Memorial. Between rapid-fire questions from the doctors and police it had been easier to claim his car had stalled. The cops regarded him with suspicion but left after he'd refused to press charges promising to come back later for a full statement.

Morgan was the real reason he was lying in a hospital bed on a Friday night as the man he'd originally wanted hovered by his side catering to every need. It was beyond ironic. It was a fitting punishment for his treachery.

JJ and Will stopped by the next day with Henry who took forever showing him a magic trick he'd learned. It was cute but excruciating since his small hands kept dropping the coin. Hotch, Prentiss, Rossi and Garcia brought flowers, told jokes and gave less than subtle signs that they approved of his choice in men. A lifetime ago that would have been all he wanted now he watched the door like a hawk. Too busy keeping vigil to properly eat or sleep but the cups of strawberry jello he insisted on ordering remained uneaten. Alex was with him every day from his hospital stay to his tiny apartment. Morgan never showed.

On the cab ride into work ten days later Reid rehearsed his speech. Every word had been chosen with great care and practiced over and over in the mirror. He schooled his expressions until they felt natural, blasé even. With relief he saw the side door was open as he tore through the parking lot keeping a careful eye out for his team. Until he and Morgan had spoken he didn't want to deal with anyone else.  _Do not use an accusatory tone, do not yell…or cry;_  he reminded himself every time he stopped to catch his breath.  _Do not melt in his arms like you usually do. You are pissed. You will not be ignored._  Reid finally reached his destination. He paused outside Morgan's office ran through his affirmations – god how low he'd sunk – then flung the door open.

Reid only caught a glimpse of the bare back and crisscrossing bra straps before the body screamed. It was definitely a memorable first day back. After he cleared everything up with Agent Samantha King – call me Sam - no explanation for what she was doing in Morgan's office. He burst in on Hotch.

Ten days of speeches, affirmations and plans wasted, he simply croaked "Morgan"  _Was that pity he saw in his eyes?_

"Miami PD requested his expertise on a gang related crime spree."

He wondered how soon Morgan had made the decision to leave. This week while Reid was hurt and he couldn't be bothered to visit. Maybe before that when his hands were on Reid like they belonged together. Did it even matter? After all Miami equaled Detective Tina Lopez. It was ridiculous to think he could compare.

"Sam will be filling in for him on our latest case. It's in the next county. Are you cleared to travel?"

Reid quickly nodded and stumbled out. He's gone.

He felt so stupid even if the world consisted of infinite universes in none of them would Morgan ever want to be with him. Right then his phone buzzed with a text message from Alex – just checking up on you - he smiled sadly at least somebody did. It was time to move forward he thought as he called him back.

Their date two days later was the first time in awhile Reid had really laughed. He'd been nervous when Alex refused to tell him where they were going. Their previous dates had been at fancy restaurants and one wine tasting but he had given Reid time to study up enough to seem like he cared about the same things. He had no idea how to fake interest in sports or bars or beer…the list was endless.

When Alex pulled up outside the city's Science Museum he couldn't stop the grin that pulled at his mouth. "How did you know?" He asked.

"I have been inside your house. It's geek central." Alex took his hand over the console. "You're different from other guys I've dated. I think it's great that you have such vast interests."

"The guys you usually date are interested in…."

"Money… tanning salons…the Kardashians…"

"I don't know what that last thing is."

"Thank you for that." He brought Reid's hand to his lips for a quick kiss. "I could so easily love you"

Hours later streetlights cast Alex's face into light and shadow with every turn as he drove him home. Reid's head lolled back on the headrest. He was pleasantly exhausted. Building a space station with KNEX blocks had been a lot of fun, Alex's architectural experience invaluable. They'd attracted a lot of attention from kids, which gave him a chance to show off his magic tricks to much shrieking and laughter. When Alex had smiled and offered to be his assistant, Reid relaxed for the first time since they'd met.

"You are different than I remember." Reid said when they pulled to a stop outside his building.

"My sister has this theory that every person we meet changes us in some way. Don't get me wrong she's off her rocker. At least I thought she was before I met you."

Reid was glad for the dark interior that hid his blush. He didn't back away from the first kiss or the one after that. The tiny flicker of 'Morgan' that floated through him was quickly snuffed out.


	9. Chapter 9

Days at the BAU in-between cases were incredibly boring. Reid watched the clock as each second stretched to the very limit as if taunting him. It was pure torture. He'd done all his paperwork then JJ's and Emily's. The only bright spot was the occasional bleep of his phone. Alex was stuck in meetings all day just as bored as he was. They'd made plans to meet up at Morrison's with the rest of the team, which was one of the reasons, Reid was so anxious. He wanted to tell him that he was ready for more – maybe.

They'd been going out for a while but hadn't progressed much beyond kissing. Alex had been incredibly patient with him backing up every time Reid tensed up. When they did make out it was nice but did not elicit the intense reactions he was used to. Morgan's touches were the only time his brain actually shut off and focused on pleasure. Morgan was the only person he could talk to about it and he was somewhere in Miami probably drowning in women not giving Reid a second thought.

Speculating about Morgan always unsettled him. This time was no different and he got up to get some coffee hoping the potent brew would distract him from a naked Derek Morgan touching somebody that wasn't him. Reid took the long way round when he saw Sam coming she was nice enough but she talked a lot, touched him a lot too. Subtle grazes on his shoulder and arm were a frequent occurrence. He didn't want to come right out and say he wasn't interested. It seemed presumptuous and arrogant especially since she had not said anything outright.

The elevator dinged and opened when Reid came strolling down the hall, cup in hand. Morgan? He shook his head to clear it but when he looked up again Morgan stood there with an enigmatic smile just looking back at him as the doors closed behind him. He froze.

It wasn't till Garcia shoved him aside and flew into Morgan's arms that he realized it wasn't a dream. To be fair Reid thought about him far too often. He replayed all their encounters every chance he got and even once chased down a tall bald black man down the street before he realized he wasn't the one he sought. He wanted to run not yet sure which direction he'd go but his legs refused to cooperate.

Prentiss bumped his right shoulder tossing him out of range of the riptide as more agents converged on the elevator congratulating the conquering hero, eager to bask in his reflected glory. Reid had avoided listening to Morgan's exploits leaving the room every time his name came up. Now he was flooded with information; two drug cartels funded by warring diplomats were taken down, an international incident avoided. Reid should have been impressed. Proud even. But Morgan had left him behind not called or written in 53 days, 7 hours and 32 minutes including the ten days Reid had pined for him. It was reason enough to turn his back and walk away but he couldn't.

Garcia was a force to be reckoned with and she herded them all to the bar holding on tight to Morgan demanding to hear everything. She had shot down all of Reid's halfhearted excuses; only Hotch and Rossi had come up with valid reasons to escape her machinations. Reid trailed two steps behind them as they were led to their usual table he wondered if this' what people meant by 'magnetic attraction'. Being unable to move, powerless against this man that owned him. Morgan looked tired beat up as he rubbed at a brand new scar that snaked down the side of his neck and disappeared into the back of his shirt.

As soon as they got to the table the girls disappeared to the bathroom, going all together in that weird way women always did. Reid took his chance and slipped into the seat next to Morgan. Words crowded his brain eager to shoot out his mouth but he held back. None of them sounded right.

Agitated, Reid shifted his chair again closing the gap between them. Their thighs brushed before pressing together. If he got any closer they'd merge into one messed up human being. His fingers smoothed out the folds in the cotton tablecloth it felt good to take a breath without worry as a constant companion. Morgan sat unaffected next to him. Occasionally he glanced at the back like he was wondering whether the girls would get back in time to save him.

"You left." At the last second Reid bit back the 'me' it was too needy even for him.

"Are you happy?" Morgan asked instead.

"I –" Their eyes met. Reid could feel the quaking start deep inside. He looked away blinking rapidly to clear the growing moisture. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Morgan's laugh was dark and brittle as he rose from his seat. He gestured towards the entrance. "Well, here comes your man you two should go work on being 'happier'."

Reid dodged Alex's greeting the soft lips landing on his cheek instead. Over the bobbing heads he saw Morgan disappearing out the back door. He quickly mumbled an excuse and went after him determined to get some answers. He found Morgan at the far end of the alley pacing like a caged animal.

"What do you want?" Morgan growled.

Reid cowardly fell to the safe answer. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Go back inside Reid. There's only one reason you'd be skulking in alleys with me."

"I thought we were…"

"What? Friends? Lovers? You got everything you wanted. Why are you out here?"

"I didn't get – everything." At those drawn out words Morgan gave him a dirty smile stalking him until Reid pressed shivering against the filthy wall.

"You want me to fuck you? Is that it?" The back of Morgan's fingers trailed up his neck. "If I say no will you beg?"

Need surged through Reid nerve endings sparking at their base and elemental connection. He licked his lips nodding when words refused to come almost weeping with gratitude when Morgan ripped off his tie. He let out a wail of dismay when big hands yanked his behind his back the black material looped rapidly around his bony wrists.

Slight numbing began to spread through his hands as the silk tie cut off the blood supply to his extremities. He struggled to free himself itching to touch the dark skin.

"No" Morgan ground out as he gripped Reid's hair and roughly pulled his head back. A big thumb traced the line of Reid's lush pink lips. "You don't get to touch me."

Reid's ribs rose and fell fast and fearful. The rough wall behind him dug painfully into his elbows and backside but nothing could shift his focus from the man who was slowly unbuttoning his shirt. "Kiss me." He whimpered as Morgan hovered oh so close.

Hot lips slashed over his, plundering his mouth. Reid moaned and jerked as branding touches raced over his pale skin. Morgan was rough and it hurt so so good. Every scrape of nails and teeth sent him spiraling down a rabbit hole of desire.

Hands tore at the buttons of his pants the grip on his cock was hard not quite painful. Reid thrust forward balancing desperately on the wall by the tips of his numb fingers. More. He had to have more. He trembled, rhythmically churning his hips. Calloused fingers worked around his swollen head in a twisting motion, sharp teeth buried in his neck. His heart thundered in his chest, fire racing through his veins as Morgan pulled him apart then put him back together.

Reid sobbed as he came, head thrown back, pleasure exploding in his center. Only Morgan could make him feel like this. Like they were the only two people in the world. He would chase that feeling to the end of time satisfying every urge. Nothing and no one else mattered. He was an addict who'd found his next drug.

He rubbed at his shaky tingly hands when Morgan released him.

"Clean up before you go back inside." A quick kiss brushed his forehead and he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Alex is a good guy. You didn't see that coming, did ya? (I need to work on my evil laugh and my smack talk – it is not great!) I think Morgan needs some real competition from a guy who isn't a murderous psychopath.


	10. Chapter 10

He was a mess. Reid tried to straighten out his tie but the wrinkles wouldn't come out. His shirt was smudged, he'd lost a button and he couldn't stop shaking. The darkness pressed in on him sending panic skittering through him. Dull pain throbbed at his throat and he examined it discovering that Morgan had broken skin as evidenced by the bloody stains. He felt marked, claimed by him.

He leaned back against the wall. Mind scattered in a million directions. Slamming his palm on his forehead didn't solve his immediate problem. He couldn't go back inside. Reid was clueless but not that clueless. You don't go back to the man you are dating looking like he was. Ravaged, bleeding and completely satisfied. Think. Phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and dialed.

"Reid? Where the hell are you?" JJ yelled. He could hear the thumping bass of the music in the background.

"I had to go home, stomach bug or something? Can you tell Alex I'm sorry?" Reid hated lying to her but it had to be done. Besides he'd never betray Morgan's trust by outing him like that.

JJ must have found a quieter spot because she lowered her voice. "Why didn't you call him?" Oh oh she wasn't drunk yet.

"It's embarrassing." He improvised. "He'd want to take care of me but it's too soon for him to see me at my worst."

"Don't want boyfie to see you shooting out both ends? I get it." Her throaty laugh trickled down the line. "If he witnesses all that and still comes back for more, you know he's a keeper"

"Just tell him ok. I've gotta go. Thank you." He quickly hang up on her before she got more graphic.

Reid jumped when a trash bag fell over coupled with vicious gnawing. It was probably a rat or a raccoon. This wasn't the best place to decide what to do about Morgan who'd left him. Again.

Reid spent the night tossing and turning. When the sun crept up over the horizon he was exhausted. He stumbled into his kitchen seeking comfort. Coffee. Coffee would help. He hated Sunday anyway. It was a Family day that was not kind to people with no families. Maybe someday soon that would change. From where he was standing things were certainly looking up.

The knock at his door at that very moment was a sign. He didn't believe in stuff like that but rushed to answer it anyway.

"Morgan" He said high and breathless.

"Hey. I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Morgan peeped over his shoulder as if looking for someone.

"No. No." Reid couldn't emphasize that fast or hard enough. "I'm alone."

"Ok. Can we talk?"

Reid stepped back pulling open the door, possibly his heart.  _Do not say that out loud._  He chastised himself.  _Be normal._  "What are you doing here?"

"I see that Christine is back from the shop." Morgan deflected. "How long before she starts to hunger for more blood?"

"Ha ha! My car is not trying to kill me."

Reid led the way back to the kitchen, getting another cup out while Morgan cleared a pile of papers from a chair before settling in. Reid joined him at the tiny table passing over the milk and sugar. The act of producing the perfect cup of coffee took on the concentration of a bomb diffusion. Each action was controlled and deliberate. Unable to put it off any longer they faced each other like they had not too long ago but too much had happened. Lines had blurred beyond recognition. They were no longer the men they once were.

"I – uh" "Listen…" They spoke at the same time.

Reid smiled awkward. "You first."

"I've been thinking about our arrangement." Their eyes met and held again each of them shielding a desperate longing. Reid dropped his gaze first. He should keep talking before you fall at his feet and beg him to keep you.

"It's not working."

Wait! What? This is not happening. Reid bit down hard on his trembling lip to stop the tears, nails dug hard into clammy palms. He'd spent all night at war with himself. So scared that he was falling in love with his best friend, terrified that he wasn't. Now this!

Reid was aware that Morgan was still talking, laying out his defense. His lips were moving as he gestured with his big hands. He knew those hands, those lips. Intimately. Reid heard the only thing he cared about. "You don't want me."

"It's not that. I'm confused. Everything's gotten so complicated. You are my best friend. We are practically brothers."

"Brothers?" Reid shrieked. "You don't feel like my brother. Unless we are in the middle of some messed up incestuous affair."

"This is what I'm talking about." Morgan shot up, toppling the chair that slammed to the floor. "We don't feel like us anymore. Last night we went too far, doing that outside while he was inside waiting for you? It was filthy and sordid. Not in the fun kind of way. This is not the relationship I want us to have."

"That's it! Isn't it?" Comprehension hit Reid right between the eyes.

"What?"

"You don't want to be in a relationship with a man."

"I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone. It's one thing to fuck like minks simply because we can, that's how friends with benefits is supposed to work – all this emotion is too much!" Morgan picked up the chair and sat back down. He took the pale hands in his interlocking their fingers. "Reid, its not you."

"Except it is." Reid focused on their hands as well. Dark complemented light. This could not be the last time Morgan ever touched him like this so he laid it all on the line. "I would give him up in heartbeat if its what you wanted."

Morgan was silent for too long. "Don't"

"Get out!"

"Reid?"

"Just go!" He snapped. "I need…I want to be alone." The separation was like a physical pain. One digit after another detached from his, slowly ripping him apart.

Long after Morgan had gone slamming the door behind him, Reid sat, head resting on the scarred table. He begged for the numbness not to end because then it would be real, permanent. It would be over.

The ringing of his phone dragged him from the brink and he ran to answer it. Maybe Morgan had changed his mind. But because life was having too much fun kicking him in the face, his caller ID read Alex. Could this day get worse?

He debated not answering it but guilt was a powerful motivator. "Alex, hi." He hoped his voice didn't sound as raw as he felt.

"Hey, can we talk?"

Everything in Reid seized up. As he'd recently learned those particular words strung together in that order didn't mean good news. "Right now?"

"Yeah. I'm right outside but I don't have a lot of time. Could you come down?"

Lie. Say you have a case and you have to go in right now. "Okay"

A sleek grey town car was parked outside his building and Alex got out as soon as he appeared. Reid approached him with dread that tripled when Alex didn't kiss him hello like he usually did. "What's up?"

"How are you feeling?"

Just like that the craziness of last night rushed to the forefront of his mind and he understood what Morgan meant by it being filthy and sordid. "I'm much better." He lied. "Must have been something I ate at work."

"That's good." Alex looked down toeing at the tarmac with his loafers. "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

"Leave? You're leaving?" This day would not end.

"I'm having some trouble with a contractor on my building in Boston. I don't want to go but it's a good time for us to take a step back so you can figure out what you want."

"I – I – "

"This isn't an accusation. You are distracted, erratic. You ran out on our date without a word."

"I didn't feel well."

"But you felt well enough to call JJ?" In face of such damning evidence, Reid kept silent and hang his head. "I don't deserve to be treated like an afterthought so you have a decision to make."

"Hey, look at me." Alex pulled him into his arms, lifting his chin. "I'm crazy about you. I want you in every way that matters but we are not in the same place and I'm not going to take the bits and pieces you choose to dole out. So take your time and deal with your baggage. We'll talk when I get back."

When Alex leaned in it was the only kiss Reid had given that had nothing to do with Morgan. Running from him specifically. He felt the glimmer of what they could be if he let them.

"You keep kissing me like that and we just might make it."

Reid headed back to his apartment too tired to watch yet another man leave him.

He'd been dumped twice in one day.

Fucking Sundays!


	11. Chapter 11

Hotch and Morgan stood outside the interrogation room. Through the two-way mirror they watched the resident genius quiz Miles Davis over the disappearance of fourteen women last seen in his company. There was no doubt that he was the killer but an insufficient amount of physical evidence determined that the only way to get justice for his victims was to wrangle a confession out of him.

As the clock approached the 48-hour mark at which point they'd have to release him, tensions were high. He continually sidestepped all their questions with riddles and rhymes a smug smile on his face. They had taken turns coming at him from every angle, Rossi, Prentiss and JJ were questioning his family, neighbors and friends, texting any bit of information that may be relevant; thirty-nine hours in they were exhausted. So far they still had nothing.

"He's not talking to me."

Hotch tapped the glass replying sarcastically. "I can see that."

"Not this asshole. Reid."

"What did you do?"

"I looked out for him like I always do. Now he's pissed off and acting like I don't exist. A little gratitude would be nice"

"Are you going to run away again?" The trademark frown pinned him in place. "I can't manage this team a man down. I will have to fire you."

"I DID NOT RUN. You told me to handle it and I did."

"I told you to have a mature rational discussion about your relationship - preferably fully clothed. What I didn't foresee was you hightailing it out of here on some bullshit mission?"

"As long as its clear that I wasn't running from his skinny…" Petulantly Morgan turned back towards the room in time to see a heavy fist hit Reid in the face sending him flying off his seat.

They burst in the room. Morgan heading straight for Reid while Hotch incapacitated the perp.

Reid sat dazed on the floor wiping his sleeve under his bloody nose. "I think I made some progress." He slapped Morgan's hands away rejecting his offer to help and got up on his own.

"I got a tip from Emily." He whispered when Hotch stepped over. "His mother was married to a John Winger in 1998. They got divorced when his 16-year-old daughter Sarah from a previous marriage went missing. Miles was 18 at the time. I should keep going…"

"No" Hotch grabbed his arm pushing him out the door. "Let Morgan take a look at that." He waved in the direction of his face.

Morgan dragged Reid into his office closing the door behind them. Retrieving the wet wipes from the desk he turned to find those doe eyes fixed unwavering on him. He cleared his desk of a laptop and knickknacks before sitting Reid on it.

Ignoring the tingling that spread from his fingertips he gently cupped the pale face examining his nose. The bleeding was minimal and it wasn't broken. It would have been a shame to mess up that pretty face.

'Hold still." Morgan said as he held Reid's head back to slow the bleeding. "So…you're not going to talk to me again? That's your whole plan." The sullen glare Reid threw him was cute and he thumbed the tempting pouty lips. Having him quiet was a blessing in disguise especially now that they were alone.

Dropping the wet wipes Morgan took one skinny thigh in each hand and slowly, deliberately pulled them wide before stepping between them. Reid let out a quick gasp and his eyes dropped to slits that watched his every move. "I never said I didn't want you."

"You did. I can quote you."

"Really?"

Reid nodded emphatically, he was pretty sure he'd heard those exact words. It made no sense that Morgan would be backtracking right now and he hated the hope that it gave him.

"Go ahead."

A terse silence followed during which Reid fumbled for an answer. "You said that uh… you uh..."

"You weren't even listening were you? You know for someone so smart you get real stupid real fast."

Reid scowled at him and tried to climb off the table. It was so easy to pin him to the desk no wonder he flew across the room when the unsub hit him. Morgan ran his hands over the thin torso, ribs poking through. God, how much weight had he lost?

Reid held himself stiffly skinny ribcage rising and falling harshly under the warm palms. His resolve leaked away with every firm stroke and he swayed towards Morgan wanting more. Morgan eyed him as he traced over his waist, gripping his thighs. Each brush of his fingers elicited the same languorous feeling that preceded arousal. It was like marionette theatre as he played puppet to Morgan's puppet master.

Reid felt the loss when Morgan backed up disposing of the red tinged towels. "Listen to me a sec." His shoulders slumped with defeat, whatever Morgan was about to say wouldn't be good.

"Our fucked up arrangement started because you were tired of being alone. You wanted to be happy. I want you to be happy. You met someone who if Garcia is to be believed is perfect for you. I will not let you fuck it up. If that makes me the bad guy then so be it."

"It's too late." Reid lied without compunction. "We broke up. He's already gone."

"What happened? Oh fuck! He didn't see us, did he?"

"No. It wasn't your fault. It turns out you were right he didn't really know me."

"I'm sorry kid…" Morgan started.

"I'm not a kid. Stop…calling me that and treating me like one. I don't want to be cosseted and protected…"

Hotch barged in ignoring both their irritated stares. "Miles Davis is secure but he's clammed up again. Morgan, go back in there. Don't let up on the missing person report that got filed thirteen years ago. It's the key to breaking him. Reid, can you keep working?"

Reid nodded reluctantly sliding to his feet. "I'll talk to Garcia find out anything we can about the missing stepsister."

Hurrying back to the interrogation room, Reid carried a slim file containing information that linked all the vital pieces of evidence. He slipped into the dark room handing over the file to Hotch. "It's all there."

"Good. Give it to Morgan."

Reid went in, handed Morgan the file with a meaningful look and rushed back out to watch the action unfold.

"Hey, quick hypothetical question." Reid asked. "Do you think mutual respect and physical compatibility are enough to build a strong relationship? I mean there are arranged marriages that have lasted which were built on a lot less."

"God! Talk to him." The terse reply was shot back. Hotch turned seeing right through him. "Be open and honest. And you should examine this need you have to force his hand. There's a big difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages."

Reid dropped the pretense. "I would never force him into anything. Maybe just subtly manipulate him into giving us a chance."

"Millions of women have probably tried that that same tact with no success."

"Even factoring in his current age and the approximate age he began interacting socially and sexually there's no way he has been involved with a million women."

"Don't do that. You know what I mean."

Yelling drew their attention back to work. They watched the unsub unravel when he was confronted with the knowledge that the stepsister he'd been honoring by ritually killing every year on her birthday was still alive. His face was red with rage; absolutely livid to discover she'd lived just two towns over while he scoured the country brutally slaughtering red headed women of her approximate age. Morgan postured, cornering Miles Davis and ripping the confession out of him.

"It would probably be a lot easier if I was genetically equipped to get pregnant." Reid mused out loud. "He'd never turn his back on his own child."

"Reid, I don't want to alarm you unduly but I think you've lost your mind."

"You don't think I know that." Reid turned elbows braced on the mirror. "I frequently wonder at what point I could have gotten off this crazy train. Before I made my request? Before I thought it?" He turned back round again physically incapable of keeping his eyes off Morgan for long. "Then I realize I assembled the train, built it tracks, dragged him onboard and now I'm speeding it off a cliff unwilling to let him leave."

"What happens if he doesn't come around?"

"He has to. Either way I won't be able to make a life with someone else until I know for sure." He said simply. "It's a good thing I'm not burdened with a lot of pride."

xxXxx

Reid raised his hand rapping sharply on the dark wood. He'd had enough time to think while he washed the last couple of days off of him and he'd left his home with resolve and a vaguely formed plan.

"I will take friends with benefits!" He choked out when Morgan opened his door shirtless, skintight jeans caressing his muscled limbs. "You said and I quote, 'It's one thing to fuck like minks simply because we can, that's how friends with benefits is supposed to work'."

"That was not an invitation."

"I am ready and willing to fuck like a mink whatever that means." He whispered as his gaze danced down Morgan's bare chest. "I will not ask you for anything else. Just…um…just sex."

Reid's stomach began to flutter with anticipation when a strong hand grabbed his belt, yanked him inside and slammed him against a wall.

"My rules?"

"Yes" He conceded even though they both knew he'd surrender to Morgan's will without question. Their eyes met for a brief heated moment before the back of his neck was grabbed dragging him forward, lips clashing in frantic desperation. Every hot wet kiss fueled his obsession, one long leg wrapped around Morgan's hip as he humped his swollen crotch on him.

"I am not going to go easy on you." Morgan growled tonguing his throat.

Reid moaned clinging to him like a limpet; heat seeped from the hot body into his warming him on the inside out. It felt so right and he ground back harder working his hips. A desperate wail escaped when his hair was pulled back impatiently. He knew what Morgan wanted was consent and he rushed to obey. "Yesyesyes."

He gave a stifled cry when Morgan unzipped his pants and began to roughly jerk him off. It was too soon but every firm tug of calloused fingers sent him trembling with the need to come. Orgasm rose inexorably spilling over every attempt to slow his pleasure down until he shot, creamy fluid splattering his lover's abs.

Morgan smirked when Reid collapsed boneless against him. This was how he preferred him, pliable, helpless, not making demands. Reid was still half hard obviously ready to go again. Good.

Shaggy brown hair flopped onto his forehead when Morgan tossed him onto the bed after stripping him naked. Taking a moment he studied him long limbs, smooth porcelain skin and contemplated breaking out the toys from his closet Reid would look so hot; cuffed, collared and chained to his headboard. But he was too impatient and if he freaked Reid out too much he might not come back for seconds. As it was the huge wary brown eyes already chased him around the room, a healthy dose of fear shining through when Morgan took off his jeans exposing his mammoth cock.

He lay over him braced on his elbows drawn to the fading bite-mark on the pale neck. Reid bucked up when he traced the indentations with his tongue. "You want it?"

Reid turned his head exposing his long bare neck for further assault. He whimpered and struggled, firm teeth sinking into him, marking him again. He hardened painfully, engorged manhood leaking on his belly. Morgan's tongue on his skin was a white-hot flame that spread to his nipples, dipping and nipping at his belly button, and flicking at his dripping slit.

"Knees." Morgan slapped at the pale thigh when Reid stared back at him incomprehensively. "Now" He snapped impatient at having to help the young genius to all fours. He could have explained that it would be easier on him, hurt a little less but he had to get in that ass.

At the sight of velvet smooth butt cheeks, which shielded the impossibly tight pink hole, precum spilled out of his dark head trailing down the rock hard shaft. Anticipation rippled down his spine and he reached over getting the half full jar of lube out of his bedside drawer. One finger coated with lube smeared the soft warm trench till it was slippery before he circled the portal, which puckered shying away.

"Easy" Morgan gentled him caressing the now flushed rump. "That's my angel." He praised when Reid settled.

Reid moaned high and needy when a fingertip pushed into the tight ring. The sounds he made were so fucking sexy.

The act of preparing him took the better part of an hour as he worked up from one digit to four. It was worth it to hear Reid whine like a little bitch with every brush over his prostate. When he couldn't hold out any longer he worked the long length of his dick, stroked the oil over the engorged tip, and placed it at the quivering hole, hunching forward. The head of his throbbing dick popped through as the opening gave way to steady pressure and he was buried balls deep. His head reeled at the sensation; he was so tight and hot.

Morgan spread him wider; a firm hand pressed the middle of his back holding him in place for the raw fucking.

Reid's mind was blank empty of all thought but the searing pleasure and numbing pain seesawing through him. Pleasure won out over pain his dick gripped in a powerful hand and he was taken at both ends. After that Reid's screaming became incoherent as his formerly virgin hole clutched at Morgan's gushing cock, out of control spasms rocketing through him as he spilled his load for the second time.

Morgan rolled off of the skinny man. His whole body still buzzed. Reid had slipped into a post orgasmic coma. He thought of kicking him out before their new arrangement got too complicated but he was too tired. Easier to just snuggle next to him and pull the covers over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I just stripped myself of any 'smut virginity' I may have had left. I need a cigarette.


	12. Chapter 12

A persistent stabbing in his belly woke Morgan. His eyelids cracked open slowly and he blinked, momentarily blinded by the early morning sun. His California King felt unusual, lumpy and it pulsated steadily beneath him wafting vanilla.

The sweet scent triggered the memory of desperate cries and frenzied coupling. How could he have forgotten even for a second that he lay on top of Reid? They hugged the very edge of the bed, a huge expanse behind them like Reid had been trying to escape the sex crazed maniac pursuing him across the sheets. Brunette curls tickled his nose when Reid shifted under him; he was probably struggling for breath as Morgan's heavy frame lay on his crushing him into the thick mattress. It was a miracle he was still conscious.

Morgan began to extricate himself from the tangled mess of genius and bedding. He paused every couple of seconds afraid to wake him but for every carefully detached limb another took its place. By the time he rolled onto his back, Reid was on top of him still soundly asleep, face buried in Morgan's neck. One thigh rested between Morgan's and he rocked back and forth subconsciously. This was torture!

"Reid?"

In response Reid burrowed in with a sexy wiggle. He was all pointy elbows and bony knees but there was something about his soft brown eyes, plump pink lips and miles of silky skin that was captivating. Morgan's hands followed his thoughts. They trailed up his arms, over his shoulders before tracing down his spine and lingering at the small of his back. Reid purred arching his back then settling in again.

A large mirror graced the right side of his room and Morgan eyed it, naughty thoughts trickling into his mind. He wouldn't. He shouldn't. It was so wrong but who was he kidding he wasn't one to resist temptation. Reid was obviously still blacked out. No harm, no foul. Morgan plucked a corner of the top blue bed sheet pulling it down with anticipation.

Gorgeous, he dazzled in the morning light. The slight catch of the sheet on the twin bumps of his pale cheeks teased him then offered them up to his avid gaze. Glued to the reflection in the mirror Morgan traced the perfect set of teeth marks marring the otherwise flawless skin. The memory of doing that was lost in a haze of lust and need, the night blurry, Morgan reaching for him every time he hungered unable to get enough.

"Morgan?" Reid stirred. "'S cold."

Caught ogling him like some pervert, Morgan overreacted instinctively pushing the slight man off of him. Unfortunately they were too close to the edge and with an ungainly squawk Reid flew buck-naked over the edge crashing to the floor.

Reid sat up rubbing the side of his head, a puzzled frown in place. "Did you just kick me out of your bed?"

He looked so put out Morgan resisted the urge to laugh. "It was an accident I swear. Come back to bed." He graciously lifted the sheets letting Reid back in.

Reid crawled in shuffling close to him. "I feel different." He whispered. "I didn't think I would but I do. Probably because it feels like you're still moving inside me." He flushed with embarrassment vermillion burning clean down his neck. "And everything hurts! You should have warned me about that."

"Would that have stopped you?"

"No! It was worth it. You were…um yeah."

Awkward silence flooded the room, both of them gazing into the distance contemplating the permanence of last night's actions.

Morgan rolled off the bed. "I'm going to…" he pointed at the bathroom disappearing behind the doors without waiting for Reid's response.

"What the hell have you done?" The whirr of the electric toothbrush covered up his confused muttering. "You slept with your best friend." He dropped the toothpaste looking in the mirror. "Don't sugarcoat it. You fucked him. Raw. Don't forget that at no time last night did you reach for a condom." Though that wasn't really a cause for concern it was Reid, now ex-virgin Reid who was probably freaking out right now. "Hold it together."

Reid scooted down stretching out on the king-size bed. Even the aches and pains that pulled at his pleasantly exhausted body wouldn't bring him down. The night had been amazing. Better than anything he'd been able to dream on his own.

He'd been to Morgan's house plenty of times in the past but the bedroom was undiscovered territory. The home had a certain masculinity that managed to feel homey as well. All the feminine influences in his life were evident in the soft pillows and bold rugs; there was an ornamental art nouveau lamp in his living room that reeked of Garcia. Reid didn't want to get ahead of himself. There was a chance that things between them wouldn't work out the way he planned but if they did he could be very happy here.

"I drew you a bath." Morgan strode back in, in a pair of sweats and interrupted his mental measuring of the drapes. "It will help with the pain."

"Thank you."

"Get up before the water cools."

"Turn around."

"Are you kidding me? After the night you just had?" Morgan stared at him when he made no move to leave the bed. "Fine" He surrendered. "I'll get breakfast. There are towels and a new toothbrush on the sink."

Reid wallowed in the luxurious tub without a care in the world. He washed up slowly, his big toe playing in the tap spout. The aqua body wash he sniffed and squirted liberally on the loofah smelled like Morgan fresh, sexy and very tempting. He would definitely be very happy here.

"Reid?" Morgan rapped on the door. "Are you okay? You've been in there a long time."

Reid mumbled something that implied compliance but he really had no intention of getting out of the tub any time soon. He was reaching for the hot water tap again when the tantalizing aroma of fresh coffee accosted him. "Is that coffee? Morgan?" He stumbled out almost cracking his skull open on the slippery tile.

Dressed in record time, Reid left the bedroom with caution. He snuck a look around every open door, eyes darting in all the hidden corners from which the unprovoked attack might come.

"He's at the Happy Pooch." Morgan said dryly glancing up at him from behind a large coffee mug.

"Huh?"

"Doggy day care. I board him when we have long cases." Morgan explained.

With a sheepish grin Reid trudged forward heading for the coffeemaker. "So he's not here waiting to slather me with – enthusiasm?"

"You know he might be the only dog in the world that actually likes you." Morgan rushed to Clooney's defense.

"You are worse than that lady at the mall." Reid grumbled pouring the dark liquid into a large mug adding what for him was a normal amount of sugar.

"You told her that her baby was ugly."

"I was merely stating a fact and I qualified it by saying that sometimes ugly babies grow into beautiful adults. Even though in her case that will not be true."

Exasperated Morgan went back to perusing the paper.

Reid raised the ceramic to his nose deeply inhaling the potent brew. There was nothing like good coffee. Eyes slipped shut as sighs of bliss escaped his parted lips. Reverently he lowered the mug to his lips; a dart of tongue licked a stray drop off the rim. Dark flavor exploded on the very tip, a potent of pleasure to come. He moaned in delight bracing himself for the first sip until the cup was yanked out of his hands. "What…" he got out before hot lips covered his.

Hmmm! Morgan and coffee. Either Morgan had just ruined coffee for him or made it way way better. Engulfed in the strong arms he plunged into the kiss, arms twining, clinging. Slowly, sensually the heat rebuilt between them. The subtle rocking of hips reignited the passion that was always simmering beneath the friendly surface. Reid hissed in discomfort when a rough thrust careened his sore hip into the granite counter.

Morgan reeled back unable to go far with Reid's hands fisted in his vest. "I'm sorry, babe. I keep forgetting that you're new to this. Did the bath help at all?"

"I'm fine. Don't stop." Reid peppered the stubbly jaw with kisses. "I want to stay."

"Stop writing cheques your body can't cash." Morgan backed away. "Finish breakfast. Your cab will be here soon."

"My what?"

"I called you a cab unless you want to limp to the bus then the two blocks to your house."

"We don't have to go into work today." Reid said. "I can stay."

"Now is not a good time. I've gotta pick Clooney up. He doesn't see me enough as it is. I don't want him to feel neglected."

_Thrown over for the dog. Great._

"Okay then." Reid stammered soldiering on. "How about I come back over tonight?"

"I've got a date."

"Oh!" It didn't take him long to gather up his coat but fussing with it was as good as excuse as any to avoid looking Morgan in the eye.

"Hey Reid, wait a minute" Morgan chased after him catching him at the front door. "We are on the same page about what we are doing here, right?

Reid nodded even though he was dying on the inside. The slap on his butt on his way out was especially humiliating. Maybe he had more pride than he thought. He spent the rest of his day actively not thinking about Morgan by doing some research for his next possible degree. He needed something with a heavy workload that would be a sufficient distraction from stalking his callous friend.

He could swear that he stumbled across Dr. Charles Waehler's, ' _ **Bachelors: the Psychology of men who haven't married**_ ' by accident. He downloaded it to the Kindle that had been a birthday present from Prentiss and devoured the information in the next twenty minutes. Then he read it again eyes lingering on certain statements.

He mouthed them out loud trying to convince himself to give up hope. " _After 40, the likelihood that a never hitched man will marry drops to 1 in 5. These bachelors tend to be only children or only sons and/or men whose parents married later in life_." Sounded like Morgan. " _3 million men in this country alone choose not to marry. They are not woman-haters or mama's boys. They are just happy the way they are."_

Much as Reid resented those statements he couldn't deny that they held a ring of truth. Emotionally Morgan was a bad bet he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him with the same woman twice. For someone who craved stability, Alex was looking like the better choice in the long run.

A key rattled in his lock and Reid hurried to close the book. Morgan was the only one who had a key to his apartment that would just walk in like he owned the place. Shit! He was wearing the pajamas he always wore when he was depressed; they were really comfortable but threadbare from overuse and very unappealing. Oh well too late! He leaned back on his desk and waited.

"I thought you…uh hi…date." He stammered at his unexpected visitor.

Morgan stood in the entryway watching him with deep dark eyes. "Should I go?"

"No" Reid pulled off his pajama top meeting him halfway.


	13. Chapter 13

Reid checked his phone once again fiddling with the buttons to make sure it was working. It was and there were still no messages. He went back to monitoring the open door, the repetitive thwack of his pen on notepad loud in the briefing room.

It was late Monday afternoon and they'd been stuck in a mandatory accountability meeting all day as per Strauss' orders. The seat across from him where Morgan would usually be was empty. He hadn't seen the other agent since he'd turned up unexpectedly at his place the night before, slept with him then heartlessly escaped in the early hours. Reid shook his head when JJ caught his eye frowning at him in question. Attention back on his notepad he chased the words reluctantly across the page. Maybe Morgan had gone back to his date slept with her too. He could attest to his stamina as a lover who knew how many partners it would take to truly satisfy him. Maybe Reid's awkward, inexperienced fumbles were not yet good enough for him.

All of the hope he'd built up since the first night they touched was slowly tumbling down. For every insensitive act Morgan perpetrated he lost a little bit of himself and whatever high regard he'd held for the other man. Reid stopped himself from checking the door or reaching for his phone again. He was going to end it. He couldn't live like this.

"Where is Morgan?" Prentiss nudged Garcia when the meeting finally ended. Reid trailed behind them eavesdropping shamelessly. "If I had to live through that snooze fest then so does he!"

"He is driving Mama Morgan to the airport."

"I should have known. He is such a mama's boy!" Prentiss laughed before ducking into Rossi's office.

"Wait!" Reid stopped Garcia. "His mum's in town? His actual mother?"

"I don't think he has another one." Garcia replied as though talking to a really slow person. "Are you okay Sweetie? If you need to talk, you don't have to wait for Morgan. My door is always open. But if you touch my computer again I will break off those skinny little hands, bedazzle them and mount them on my wall to ward off other offenders." She finished with a sweet smile and scary eyes.

"N-N-No! I'm ok." Reid headed for his desk. The tongue-lashing she'd given him last week for spilling coffee into her keyboard still lingered.

Hours crawled past each one longer than the last. Reid waved at JJ declining her offer to join her family for dinner. Since it was a slow day the rest of the team had taken their chance and fled, eager to retain some semblance of a social life. Reid lingered in the office penning a letter to his own mother and poring over old files. He had nothing to go home to.

"Have dinner with me?" The gravelly voice stopped his heart. Just like that all Reid's resolve flew out the window.

He was quiet on the ride to the restaurant dodging Morgan's puzzled looks. Torn between hurling accusations at him and climbing into his lap and latching onto his lips, silence was the safest option. They ended up at what he thought of as their restaurant. So many nights had been spent there as they argued and laughed late into the night trying to forget the horrible things they'd witnessed on the job. Nostalgia worked its magic and despite his latest resolution a specter of hope niggled at the back of his mind.

"You can relax. This is not a date."

"How do you do that?"

"I know you." Morgan arched a brow at him playful grin teasing his full lips. "When you're nervous you get all squirmy. It was an easy leap after that."

Why isn't it a date? Oh wait; Reid raged silently, buying him dinner was not part of their brand new arrangement.

"What have I done now?"

"What?"

"The fierce scowl?" Morgan thumbed the folds on Reid's forehead. "You've been mad at me the whole ride down."

The smile Reid leveled on him was saccharine sweet and dripping with resentment. "What could you possibly have done to piss me off?" He queried sarcastically. His list of grievances was armed and ready to fire at the object of his wrath. Taking a deep breath he prepared to launch into his tirade.

Before he could get the first syllable out the waitress sashayed over, slapped one menu in front of him and handed the other to Morgan with a flirty smile. She was obviously a new hire. By now at the sight of them the other wait-staff simply brought out their orders, they'd placed them so many times.

Reid watched as she leaned over his man pointing out an item out on the menu. The ample cleavage that strained at the low cut t-shirt brushed his shoulder. He zeroed in on that point of contact rage building. It was like he didn't exist. The fact that Morgan wasn't flirting back brought him no comfort. Is this what he had to look forward to? A lifetime of competition for a man he wasn't sure wanted him back?

"That's it." Already at the end of his rope Reid snapped. "You can have him. I'm out." The hard leather bound pages he thrust at her jabbed her in the belly and he stormed out head high, righteously indignant.

"Reid?" Morgan yelled coming after him. The hand that gripped his elbow dragged him to a stop a few feet from the restaurant. "What the hell was that? You just acted like a fucking brat."

Yanking his arm away Reid reeled back swearing. "I can't do this. I can't. I can't."

Morgan spun away from him before leaning on a nearby car. They waited while a young couple hurried past them holding on tight to each other giving them wary glances. "I'm not making you do anything." He said slowly deliberately. "You can walk away any time you want."

Wind knocked out of his sails, Reid struggled for control. One lone tear escaped his eye and he brushed it aside impatiently. The only person he hated more than himself at that moment was Morgan. His weakness for him and the non-existent pride that would not let him walk away sanity intact was an albatross around his neck. "I hate you for doing this to me."

Inscrutable Morgan replied. "I know."

"Don't patronize me." Reid retaliated. "You always do that." Strung out he began to pace hands waving frantically words pouring out. "You lied to me. You let me believe that you were out with someone else after I gave myself to you. I was home all day, alone, freaking out for no apparent reason because you were meeting your mother. Your mother! Is that why you threw me out of your house? You didn't want her to find me at your place. I'm not that socially ignorant that I would bring up the fact that we had just fucked." The f word ugly in this context struck the ground, a gauntlet, between them. "After resigning myself to a painful night I would have to spend away from you, you showed up fucked me again and snuck out like a…"

"I did not sne-"

"Yes you did. I woke up and you were gone. Again. Poor clueless Reid!" He jeered. "There must be something so terribly wrong with me that the very thought of my skin touching yours after we have sex sends you running in the opposite direction. Well you know what Morgan I am done. I deserve better than to be used for your selfish sexual gratification."

"Whoa! Wait up?" Morgan rose up off the car all pretense at calm cast to the wind. One blunt finger poked Reid in the chest. "I'm using you? You set the terms." Morgan taunted. "You needed sexual experience to impress your boyfriend I obliged. You proposed a friends with benefits arrangement  _ **two days ago**_ and I'm going along with it."

"That's because I felt that was the only door open to me."

"Everything is not about you." Morgan tossed back.

Determined to never back down again Reid shoved him. "Why did you ask me here? Why?"

Morgan turned and walked away stopping his back to him. Probably thinking of another way to manipulate you Reid thought cynically. He readied himself when Morgan strode back oozing determination until they stood face to face combative stances held barely in check

"Tell me this genius," He asked. "How do they end?"

"What?"

"The fantasies in your head. We get together then what? We skip off into the sunset while music plays? Can you honestly tell me that you've thought about  _ **us**_ in a completely non-Disney way?"

"Disney?" Reid sputtered resisting the urge to stamp his foot. "I'm not childish." Morgan was so pigheaded and arrogant and sure that he knew what was best for every body in any given situation.

"No. You are naïve. Every conversation we ever have is about you. What you want? What you need? We don't live in a bubble and this world is an ugly ugly place. Did you hear that punk yell 'fag' as he went by?" Reid turned around following Morgan's pointed finger at the young white male in a hooded sweatshirt who sauntered down the street still mouthing obscenities at them. The distant crowd that had gathered to witness their fight was a revelation to him.

"Emotionally you are a mess right now." Morgan raged at him. "You want to commit to me? Why? You think everyday is going to be laughter and orgasms? Have you thought about the hard questions? Have you thought about work?"

"Hotch knows and he's fine with it."

"Hotch is a good boss and a better friend. He will protect us the best way he can but if Strauss finds out we're out. Are you willing to walk away from the BAU if we get fired for violating the fraternization policy?"

Reid stared back at him, dark brown eyes boring into his. His defense fizzled.

"The sex and the sentiment that comes along with it is brand fucking new to you right now. What if you meet someone else tomorrow? Somebody a lot better for you than I am. Intellectually? Emotionally?" Morgan continued softly. "Will you leave me to be with him?"

"You know me I would never do that."

"So you'd stay with me out of obligation? Pity? You think that's something I would want? I don't think you even know you. Last week you were with someone else willing to do absolutely anything to be with him. I'm the lucky guy this week. Who will it be next week? What of the week after that"

Chastised Reid fell back to sullen silence. Sure he hadn't considered all the possible pitfalls that came with an adult relationship but that didn't give Morgan a right to treat him like a child. Much as he tried to block him out, the logic behind his queries though cold and clinical was definitely concrete. Under normal circumstances Reid would have had the same questions.

"I am here and I am not going anywhere. But you need time to find your feet with no pressure and no expectations. Okay?" Morgan's strong dark palms encircled his bony wrists. "Now let me take you home before one of those fools calls the cops."

"We outrank the local cops."

"I know, angel. Just get moving." The sound of his favorite pet name appeased him but only slightly.

The car ride home was even quieter. Reid burrowed in his seat gazing out the windows, blind to the passing traffic. He was sulking and he knew it. Morgan's reference to his immaturity had struck a raw nerve and then he realized giving him the silent treatment until he was coaxed out of his bad mood wasn't an adult reaction. Reluctantly he straightened up, there was no way he was apologizing he'd done nothing wrong but he could start small before demanding his own apology. "So your date was with your mom?" He inquired. "Isn't that weird? Uncool? The equivalent of you taking her to prom?"

"Don't be a smart ass. She brought along a friend and her friend's daughter."

"She set you up?" Reid's nose wrinkled in distaste. "Like a blind date?"

"Yup. At least this time she gave me some sort of warning. Usually these conveniently eligible women pop out of nowhere and she acts surprised before introducing us, faking a headache and leaving us alone."

Great! Reid muttered to himself, this was just what he needed more competition. "So she doesn't know that you are bisexual?"

"No!"

They screeched to a halt barely missing their chance to fly through the intersection when the light flashed from yellow to red. Reid took moment to sigh with relief at least she wasn't setting him up with other guys as well.

He jumped when Morgan's fist slammed into the steering wheel the conversation obviously agitating him. "She used to ask me the same damn thing every time I saw her. When was I getting married? When would I give her grandkids? Now she is dropping women in my lap, wide-eyed innocents who look at me like I hang the moon. God knows what she is telling them." From an angry retort his voice dropped to a weary mumble. "I know she meddles out of love and concern but I feel like she's trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me?"

Stunned Reid spun as much as he could to face him without taking off his seatbelt. "That's ridiculous I have met your mother once and if even I could tell how much she loves you, it must be visible to the whole world"

"I know that she does." Dejected Morgan shook his head accelerating at the green blink. "I just…a lifetime of religious indoctrination cannot be scaled in one day."

Reid sunk back into his seat dumbfounded by the brand new information. If Morgan's family rejected him even for a second he would be devastated. He couldn't do that to him. "It could turn out okay."

"It could but it has been my experience that real life is not that simple."

Previously unconsidered worries crowded Reid's brain; all the times Morgan said it wasn't about him took on new meaning. There was a reason for the no profiling each other rule. They all had their secrets. When the bad cases were over they scurried to their meetings, bottles and warm bodies getting through the pain separately in any way they knew how. His lover's demon had a name. The one and only time he'd brought Carl Buford up after the case, Morgan had shut down so completely it'd been days before they spoke about more than work. Grateful to have his friend back he never brought it up again.

Reid redirected the AC vent, it was already disturbingly warm in the cab but his hands were freezing cold. He shied away from the statistics of male sexually abused victims inability to function normally in relationships as adults. Troubled he remembered all the women that Morgan had been involved with. He knew their names, faces and obscure details about their lives even those that had left almost as soon as they'd arrived. Morgan's reputation as a ladies man was legendary at the BAU but what if it wasn't on purpose? What if it was a horrendous side effect of childhood trauma? He glanced back at Morgan wondering how much more he hid below the charming exterior. The already daunting task of winning him over took on insurmountable proportions.

With every passing mile distance yawned between them. Reid scrubbed at his face he could feel his mood plummet, despair and hopelessness tugging at his heartstrings.

By the time they rolled to a stop in front of his apartment building, one thing was clear. He missed his petty concerns. This was too much, too fast. Reid wasn't yet emotionally equipped to deal with a commitment this intense especially since his chosen partner was probably deeply and irrevocably flawed. He needed time to process, figure out what he wanted but if he run now they'd both know that he had decided that Morgan was too much work.

"What happens now?" He murmured, placing the decision solidly on Derek's shoulders.

Morgan took his time turning the key in the ignition. His hand rested on the console between them so close and yet so far away. "You've been calling the shots all this time so you tell me. What do you want to happen?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a weight to carry and a distance we must go.
> 
> We have a weight to carry, a destination we can't know.
> 
> We have a weight to carry and can put it down nowhere.
> 
> We are the weight we carry from there to here to there.
> 
> Dean Koontz, Book of Counted Sorrows.


	14. Chapter 14

A flash of red in the corner of his eye sent Reid scrambling out of his seat. The clacking of keys in the tense room seemed to pause at the loud crack of his chair on cubicle before starting up again. He glanced around but the bright hue had vanished. Unwilling to take any chances he decided to make a run for it. Morgan was wearing a red sweater. Eyes darting, head ducking he backed away from his desk just a couple more steps and he'd be free. The chatter in the bullpen rose exponentially when he tripped over Agent Carlson's chair and fell to the floor. Brushing aside Prentiss' concern he raced down the hall bursting into the break room.

Home free he closed his eyes, rested his head against the cool grey wood and sighed with relief. Sure he'd left his dignity all over the bullpen floor but he'd escaped once again. For the past three days he'd made himself the same promise, he would talk to Morgan and apologize for running from him without answering his question but every time he saw him he went into complete panic mode. There was only room for in his mind for guilt, sorrow and shame and no decent way to voice either.

"Morning"

_Son of a bitch!_

One eye popped open and confirmed his worst fear. Morgan at his 'bronze godliest' as Garcia would put it leaned nonchalantly against the counter dressed head to toe in - black? "You tricked me!"

The slow smug 'gotcha' smile that pulled at Morgan's lips was so very annoying. "I had to do something. You've been creeping about like you stole something. It's funny as hell to watch but completely ridiculous." He picked up the steaming mug and held it out to Reid. "You can't hide from me forever."

"I am not hiding fr…" He met the disbelief in Morgan's kind eyes with a wry smile as he stumbled forward for the cup. Reid's breath caught at the brief brush of the dark fingers on his. Heat seeped into his palms and he hang his head counting slowly until the tremors stopped. "I don't know what to say about – everything." He mumbled.

Morgan studied the sleek tumble of brown curls atop the bent head. Tips of the delicate pink shells of his ears peeked out. Drawn to the pale curve of his neck Morgan raised his hand then dropped it again. If there was anything of them left to salvage he couldn't keep touching him. "Don't say anything."

Reid's head snapped up, mutiny forming as he opened his mouth to argue. Morgan cut him off. "We have been friends a long time. It would be stupid to let something like this wreck us."

Subdued but interested Reid asked. "What do you suggest?"

"Well we need to plow through the weirdness. How about I pick you up tomorrow?" At Reid's skeptical look he hurried to reassure him. "I bought a new house it's a bit of a fixer upper. I'm handling the renovations myself. You can come with me and hammer some nails pretend it's my head."

"We'd be - alone?" Reid didn't mean to but the word still slipped out suggestive and lingering painting the air around them with heat.

Morgan evaded the glistening hazel pools. "We'll be fine." He croaked. This was clearly a lie but if he said it long enough it could come to pass. He battled himself even as desire crawled into his chest, curled up and settled in with no intention of ever leaving. Deflect. Deflect. "Uh! I'm stunned I thought when I asked you, your mind would go straight to John Wayne Gacy, Jr."

"The serial rapist who murdered teenage boys between 1972 and 1978 and buried 27 of them underneath the floorboards of his house? Why would I bring that up?"

"Those are the kinds of things you say."

"I am capable of having a normal interaction with people of average intelligence."

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"If the average sized brain fits."

"Ouch!" Morgan faked hurt clutching at his chest. "You wound me."

They bickered falling back into the rhythms of their long-term friendship with reassuring familiarity. Even as they made new plans to repair their bond the pantry door hang open besides them a subtle reminder that some doors can never be completely closed.

xxXxx

Reid wandered around the ground floor of the colonial style house. It was big, bare and every square footage screamed 'family home'. In spite of the sawdust still covering every surface it was obviously in the process of being lovingly restored. He itched to race upstairs and explore every nook and cranny but Morgan had warned him against the loose staircase.

He had always assumed that when he got older he would meet someone and they'd build a home together and until that day came he would live in his tiny apartment. Maybe that didn't have to be so. He could buy a house on his own. Things between him and Morgan could go back to normal. They already felt more and more like their old selves. The ride down had been an extension of yesterday's camaraderie, which was such a relief from the crippling shame that had plagued him since that awful night.

For a moment he felt a terrible sense of loss. He replayed the last moment, the last question, the last chance he'd had to get the love he wanted before he run. But even now the very thought of taking that final step stole his breath and sent panic clawing through his chest. Tormented by insecurity he lived in absolute fear of getting Morgan and then inevitably losing him.

"Reid?" Morgan called again advancing on the unnaturally still form of his best friend. He dropped the heavy toolbox on the rickety table. Along with a fragile dusty chair, they were the only rejects from the previous owners possessions left in the house. "Reid?"

Finally snapping out of his reverie Reid turned round giving Morgan an odd smile. Emotion blazed out of his sad eyes. He was such an open book but his misery was a reminder that they were supposed to be moving back not forward.

Reid brightened at the sight of the toolbox rushing forward and carefully opening it. This was a whole new experience for him. Since he was a kid he'd been more intellectually than physically inclined, chess an easy pick over building things. Now he couldn't deny his fascination with manly tools and the many wonders they hid. He frowned at the new tools on the inside of the box, rechecked the beat-up outside then looked at Morgan. "I don't know what to ask."

"It was my dad's but over the years I've replaced the tools with new ones but I kept the box."

Picking up a screwdriver with a flat edge Reid tossed it from hand to hand. "Wow! My dad never let me touch his tools." An exuberant toss missed his right hand and sent it tumbling to the floor.

"Gee I wonder why." Morgan said sarcastically before chasing after the rogue instrument.

"What are we doing?" Reid picked up a saw waving it in the air. "Can I use this?"

"No. You…" Morgan grabbed it out of his hand before replacing it with a bright yellow and black object. "…use that."

"Measuring tape?" He squeaked voice high at the slight snub. "I want a big tool."

Morgan's hair trigger libido already under great strain the whole ride over was chomping at the bit. The damn vanilla scent lingered in his nostrils mercilessly teased his senses. He was sure he could smell Reid on him and despite several washes was unable to get him out of his sheets. Several deep breaths and a stern reminder that they were friends, just friends from now onwards barely helped the resolution.

"This one." Reid crowed. "This is the one." He glanced over to find Reid blatantly fingering the 24-inch adjustable wrench.

Morgan cracked. "Stop that."

"What?" Wide innocent eyes peered up at him. "I was just testing my grip. I'm I doing it wrong?"

"Believe me." Morgan ground out. "Your – grip – is – FINE!"

The tone in his voice must have given him away because after an embarrassed "Ohhh!" Reid colored dropping the wrench.

Three beats of silence passed. All the reasons they stopped having sex ceased to matter. "No!" Morgan ordered when Reid took a step forward, relieved when the sexy genius didn't listen.

They crashed together kissing like breathing, natural, necessary. Morgan ate at his mouth hands fisted in his hair. Reid fought for breath, lust an impenetrable smog swallowing him up. The thought that he could ever stop doing this was absurd. Unseeing they bumped into the wobbly table sending the toolbox to the floor. Scarred and battered it gladly absorbed one more dent.

Morgan ripped through the barrier of Reid's clothes until he stood naked before him. Collapsing to the flimsy chair he dragged Reid into his lap nipping and sucking at his long neck and hard nipples. The slim hands made quick work of his belt stroking and pulling at the exposed length.

Craving the dark taste of him in his mouth, Reid tugged at the thick muscles that wouldn't let him go. His pleas went unanswered then unspoken at the slight probing of a hot wet finger between his cheeks. Impatient he ground back on Morgan's fingers the preparation quick and desperate. Morgan pushed inside him, taking him, possessing him. It was intense and exhilarating. Grabbing the strong body as tight as he could, he wrapped his arms around the sturdy shoulders rising and falling picking up the tempo in the ancient dance.

Rough denim scratched the inside of Reid's thighs as their rhythm got deep and hard making up for lost time. Taking exception to every violent move, the spindly chair squeaked in protest. One leg fractured with unheard warning before giving out tossing them to the floor. A tight grip on the slim hips Morgan kept them together rebuilding rougher better. Lips fused blocking the eager cries that erupted in long held out passion. Heads tossed back, spines bowed they exploded in orgasm.

Reid crumpled on to Morgan's larger frame his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't move. Didn't want to. The mess they had made slowly came back into focus and he fought a nervous giggle. "We might need a new plan." He picked up the stray tube of lube and held it in front of Morgan's face.

"I was a boy scout?" Morgan grinned cheekily.

Reid could no longer suppress the snicker that led to a full-blown laugh. Morgan joined in both of them in stitches, clinging to their sides.


	15. Chapter 15

Buck naked, body full of cock, Reid straddled Morgan's lap, his vision blurry as they steamed up the car windows. Outside rain fell in a sheet, icy drops pummeling the SUV, the resultant thunderous racket covered their cries and hopefully the rising mist shielded them from curious eyes. On the way back from Morgan's 'project' they had gotten so wrapped up in each other. They had made up – sort of – the crazy emotional tension while not completely vanquished was at least put on the back burner while they reveled in the fact that their friendship was intact. Maybe they could be both friends and lovers but that was an argument for another day. Right now their primary relationship still stood despite the emotional battering that it had suffered over the past few weeks, which is all that mattered.

The sudden thunderstorm on the slick highway had caught them off guard forcing them to pull over when visibility dropped. "So…" was the extent of Reid's conversation starter before Morgan dragged him into his lap, stripped him and took him, demanding mouth silencing all protest.

Reid arched his back tugging helplessly at his restraints, the handcuffs clinked against the steering wheel but held firm. He loved how easily Morgan had pulled his hands behind his back shackling him to the wheel. He'd never felt anything like it. The many facets of his sexual curiosity were being satisfied in unexpected ways. Every time they connected – 'fucked' the filthy word felt strange on his tongue - he learned new things about himself. But now was not the time to figure it out so he filed away his strange new urges there would be time enough to examine them later.

"Please please." He begged, squirming to get closer.

Between his splayed thighs Morgan stroked his rigid cock, precum dribbling down the sides. Slowly so slowly, the hot palm twisted and pulled at him, big thumb lingering on the sensitive head until he was ready to scream. The distant ringing of his cellphone was ignored there was only now and right now nothing mattered more than the thick cock stretching his insides.

"There" He whimpered in pleasure with each pegging of his prostate. "Right th - there…NO!" He cried out when Morgan stopped moving again. Reid knew what he wanted, knew that Morgan desired his submission above all else. It was hard but he could do it if it meant he could come.

Reid held still the muscles in his thighs straining, knees digging into the car seat. Sweat trickled down his spine meeting Morgan's hands where they cupped his firm cheeks. Commanding brown eyes collided with his through the damp brunette strands that fell into his face. Harsh panting filled the cab his thin chest rising and falling in sync with Morgan's. His hands fumbled for purchase digging into the soft leather of the wheel as he teetered on the brink. Dark fingers plucked at his erect nipples, rubbing the pink buds. Reid's cock jerked with each pluck coming close to the edge but it wasn't enough to tip him over he needed harder, rougher, more. He bit down hard on his bottom lip as Morgan played with him reestablishing his dominance.

White teeth scraped Reid's collarbone teasing him with the promise of the bite to come. His neck was already a mess stinging from where Morgan had feasted on him earlier, rough stubble scratching at the recent bites. Mindlessly Reid chased his lover's mouth dying to feel the soft lips on his but every time he got close Morgan leaned back out of reach leaving him gasping in frustration.

Reid wallowed in the 'fuck' finding it strangely freeing to not worry about the emotional side of things. This was not about love – yet! Or if ever! Reid didn't know where they were heading and right now it didn't matter. He panted in delirium his body arching as Morgan rewarded his obedience with movement. The rock hard cock punched through his clenching hole, splitting him open. Shuddering and seizing he held on to Morgan's shoulders, gasping every time the massive log bottomed out.

"Uuuhhh!" He moaned as he spiraled, falling into hedonistic darkness. "Ohhh god!" It burned so so good.

Morgan hammered inside of him strong arms holding him in place; he could only receive as the rattling metal drove into his slender wrists. When the older man swept his hair off his face taking his mouth in a passionate kiss. It was enough.

He blew his load splattering Morgan's shirt with his seed. When he came to his chin was planted under his friend's neck, said friend shaking him awake.

"Reid?" Morgan shook him again. "We gotta go. Garcia called."

Shit!

They rushed by Morgan's to shower and change before they hurried to the BAU. Awkwardly Reid trailed behind Morgan face averted to hide his bright red blush. It had been awhile since he'd been late to work. Had in fact promised that he'd never be late again.

And they were late, noticeably late judging by Hotch's disapproving stare. Reid kept his head down and shuffled past JJ to his seat. Despite the quick shower he felt like he still smelled of sex, he was surprised that he wasn't on the receiving end of pointed fingers and knowing grins.

During the briefing session his eyes flicked to Morgan at the most inappropriate times flashing back to the past few hours. He had sex on the brain. Couldn't wait for the next time they'd get together again. Subconsciously he traced the bite marks on his neck, he kept reaching up to make sure his tie and shirt collar held their place. Reid looked up to catch Morgan's sly wink. Great! He knew!

"Dr. Reid" Rossi called out popping his head into the briefing room. "Come with me."

Reid checked with Hotch for permission before following after Rossi. Reluctantly he took the file that was handed to him. He flipped through it hoping he didn't look as sullen as he felt. The words he read strung together to form sentences that for once meant nothing to him, his mind was with his lover and the carnal pleasures that he could provide. Unable to focus on the written word he turned to the older agent who was already droning on.

"Jim Patton is accused of murdering his family. He claims he has no idea when or if he got home last night. The last thing he remembers is going to a bar near his office, problem is his prints are all over the murder weapons." Rossi looked up to find him staring longingly into space. "Are you even listening to me? Reid?"

"Yes, of course." Grabbing the file with confidence Reid went off to grab his go bag. It wasn't until he'd settled into the SUV on the way to the airport that he realized he had no idea where they were heading. "Where are we going - again?"

"I've mentioned it like three times." Rossi frowned at him like he'd lost his mind. "Boston, Reid." He added impatiently. "We are going to Boston."


	16. Chapter 16

Reid gripped the armrest, hands clenching and unclenching as the plane descended into Logan International airport. Lost in his own thoughts he pondered the cruelties of fate. Of all the cities that Rossi would be called in for a favor he had to end up in this one. He didn't believe in coincidences, life was many things but never random. He gazed out the oval window wondering which one of the towering skyscrapers was Alex's. Knowing he was out there somewhere was playing havoc with his emotions. A mixture of guilt and something resembling regret churned his gut.

"Reid" He snapped out of it when Rossi called his name. They'd finished taxing down the runway. It was time to disembark. Getting his things together he deliberately separated from all his personal drama, throwing himself into work might be the only way to combat his dilemma.

He was surprised when the Boston PD Captain met them at the gate. The hug between Rossi and the tall graying Oriental man spoke of long acquaintance.

"Captain Deng, Dr Reid." Reid waved avoiding the outstretched palm and honest gaze. It seemed the more time he spent interacting physically with other people i.e. Morgan the more conscious he was of his inability to touch strangers.

They took advantage of their government official status, making quick work of their luggage and rushing through the security protocols. Nestled a half hour later in the indiscriminate gray sedan, Reid flipped through the file. The additional photos from the crime scene provided more insight. He examined the blood splatter pattern especially the trail that led to the master bedroom and stopped abruptly two feet from the balcony.

"What were the results of the tox screen?" He questioned the gents upfront.

"Nothing traceable that could explain his possible memory loss." The captain replied. "As far as we are concerned he is in perfect health. You know, for somebody who just up and murdered his wife, twin boys and three year old baby girl. Jim is so completely devastated. I could swear on his innocence."

"You know him personally?"

"The three of us grew up together." Rossi jumped in. "He has a crazy ass temper and him and Anna were having problems but there's no way he'd ever hurt his kids. They were the real love of his life."

Reid went back to examining the crime scene but as soon as the car pulled to a stop outside the station he pulled Rossi aside. "You are too close to this." He cautioned.

"I know which is why I brought you along!" Rossi's earnest look bored into him. "I may not be objective but you and your scary dispassionate analytical mind will be. I need a voice of reason, no one's better than at that than you."

Dispassionate. Reid reeled back from the ugly word. Dispassionate people did not make good friends or good husbands or good parents. Is that how people saw him, as impartial, unfeeling? Sure it was an asset at his job but lately he wanted more. He wanted to be the guy you called when you needed a safe place. Choking down his opposition he followed Rossi into the typical sparsely furnished office.

The meeting with the case's detectives went like every other meeting they ever had. The four men stood across the room from them regarding them with suspicion like the science of profiling was no better than sorcery. Reid was sure that it was only the presence of their captain that inspired civility.

"He's guilty!" Detective Rodriguez spat out. "We don't need the Feds to prove that."

Okay! They were barely civil.

"We still need to examine him." Rossi interrupted. Ever the peace keeper he knew exactly what to say. "You don't wanna get sued over a stupid mistake. If he's the killer then give us a chance to prove it. You got nothing to lose by waiting a few hours." Reid stared at him surprised. Was his accent kind of Bostonian? It made him sound like them which calmed down their ire.

Rossi's intervention had the desired effect and they soon found themselves outside the interrogation room looking in on Jim Patton. He was a slight unassuming man in dark slacks and a stripped blue shirt. He hunched over, head dangling over the metallic table. It bobbed up and down like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders and was determined to drag him down.

At Rossi's nod, Reid entered the room sitting across from the wary antagonistic gaze of their suspect. "Who are you?" He questioned. The steely tone revealed a successful lawyer more than familiar with his craft.

"Dr. Spencer Reid. I'm from the Behavior Analysis Unit of the FBI."

"You are too young to be handling this case. Where's Dave?"

It was time for Reid to take charge. "Mr. Patton you are accused of murdering your entire family. It is in your best interest to cooperate."

"Why would I do that?" He snarled. "I have been in here for hours. No one is out there looking for the real killer!"

"Your daughter would need you to calm down and find her killer." Knowing she was the key to breaking him Reid focused on three year old Kellie, the 'Daddy's Girl' painted above her small bed was a symbol of their strong connection. He was deeply ashamed when Jim Patton broke down and started to cry. This was going to be a long day.

xxXxx

Exhausted from the grueling session Reid stepped out of the interrogation room. He left Rossi still grilling the suspect but almost five hours later they'd come to the same conclusion. Jim Patton was no murderer; he was probably being set up by some one with a grudge that was familiar with his routine. This was no longer the jurisdiction of the BAU it was time to hand over the case back to the local detectives. He slipped into an empty stairwell. Sitting on the right bottom step he fingered his cell. The only incoming calls he'd gotten today were from Garcia chasing down leads. Morgan hadn't bothered to call and despite all the promises Reid had made to himself he was close to cracking and calling him first.

Maybe he could text. A text message was casual, right? Better than a phone call or an email where he might let something slip. If he texted he could keep things casual, light. He paused realizing he'd used up all160 characters droning on about the case. Deleting it all, he settled on simple. 'I miss you. Can't wait to come back home.' There was no immediate reply even after he'd waited ten minutes so he went back in to finish his job. Much as he wanted to he couldn't sit by the phone all day there were reports to write.

Forty seven minutes later his phone buzzed. He picked up the phone Morgan had finally texted back. Heart hammering he opened it up – Busy. Call l8tr. – that was it? He scrolled down to find more blank white space. No warmth. No angel. Nothing. He'd crafted a text like a crazy person and waited forty seven minutes for that? Aware he was falling apart he stumbled into the bathroom and made a spur of the moment decision that changed his life.

Reid pressed his phone hard against his ear. Three rings he promised himself then he would hang up. He could not take any more rejection today.

"Spencer" The genuine warmth in Alex's voice surprised him. They hadn't spoken since that terrible Sunday. Reid had wrapped himself up in Morgan after it and as long as they were together he was held in his thrall. Now with him miles away and acting like an ass, it's like Reid's fugue state was starting to lift and he found that he was still alone in sort of a relationship. Don't dance around it. You and Morgan have nothing you can't even pick up the phone and call him without an hour long debate.

"Spencer?"

He face palmed. "Ahhh, uh Alex hi"

"This is a surprise."

"I just thought of you." Reid stammered. "I…uh… I'm in Boston on a consult and I thought of you and I uh just wanted to call and say hi." It was awkward but he hang in there fumbling through the stilted conversation. "Hi!"

Confused Reid had no idea how the rest of the conversation ended. He was sure he fumbled with his words like he always did. Unable to express himself clearly, he probably hang up finally switching his phone off in defeat. Shit! That was crashing and burning. Not feeling so special he curled into the borrowed chair his eyes on the borrowed laptop. An IQ of 187 was useless in so many ways.

"Mr. Reid?" The uniformed officer that worked the reception desk called him.

"Doctor" He corrected her automatically waking up from zoning out.

Since she was standing right in front of him the eye roll was hard to miss. She probably thought he was an upstart kid trying to put on airs and not a seasoned agent.

"You have a visitor, 'Doctor.' Reid." He could practically hear the hateful quotation marks slam into place.

Reid followed the tight slim hips in dark blue to the reception. He was about to ask her what the hell was up when he caught glimpse of an old love. He still looked the same white shirt, black tie and a gray waistcoat that he made him look better than anyone else ever had.

Involuntarily Reid's hello slipped out.

"I got a little over excited." Alex approached him shifting from foot to foot. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought I'd never see you again so when you called I just moved."

"Wait you said when you said goodbye last month-" Reid chased words that were just as easy to run away. "-you said we'd talk when you came back home."

"I didn't know what else to say to you. You seemed into me then you weren't. I've never had to work hard to keep any one's attention. That sounds arrogant but it is true. You drifted away and it was such a huge blow to my ego that I tried to save face. I'm not proud of how I reacted." Police officers milled around them giving them odd looks. Alex dropped his voice. "Sorry I shouldn't have come this is hardly the most 'gay friendly' profession. When I planned it out in my head I thought it would seem cute but I can tell by your expression that I'm coming across more creepy than cute."

Astounded Reid merely stared back at him. He showed up after one phone call?

"I'm going to go." Alex muttered shamefaced before turning and walking away.

Wait" Reid chased after him pushing past the cuffed tranny kicking and screaming between two of Boston PD's finest. Catching up with him at the bottom of the stairs he rushed ahead of Alex blocking his path.

"It is not – creepy." He panted.

"Yeah?"

"My reaction time was not great but I don't think it's creepy."

"Okay" Alex smiled tentatively at him. "Do you want to have dinner and talk or something?"

"Sure"

An hour later standing at the large expanse of penthouse windows, Reid pressed his forehead on the cool glass looking down on the city. He could hear Alex turning on the lights behind him but nothing could rival the beauty of the incredible view before him. The glittery bright multicolored skyline stretched out for miles. Coupled with the uniformed doorman and private elevator Reid was slightly intimidated by this whole other level of affluence. His home in comparison was a hole in the ground and to think Alex had stayed with him, crashing on the ancient couch and taking care of him for days without complaining.

"This is um… I don't think 'nice' is the word. Do you always live like this?"

Alex came up behind him and slipped his hands around his waist. "It's not where you live; it's who you're with that counts." At the incredulous glare Reid threw over his shoulder he laughed and admitted, "It is pretty nice though."

Leaning back into his warm embrace, Reid sighed when Alex kissed behind his ear. He hadn't felt as comfortable in weeks. It felt good to relax and get off the intense emotional rollercoaster Morgan effortlessly dragged him through. Of course just thinking of him set Reid off and he so badly wanted to hear his lover's voice. He ached to talk to him, wanted to just be able to tell Morgan that he'd had a long day and that he missed him, couldn't wait to see him again. Sure he couldn't say any of those things because their relationship was more physical than emotional but suddenly standing with Alex like this felt wrong and he quickly detached himself from his arms.

"Bathroom?" Reid asked at the raised brow.

Alex showed him to a bathroom so impeccably designed he was afraid to use the towels. "Can I get you a drink?" He asked on the way out.

"No. It's fine." Reid brushed him off. "I'm not much of a drinker."

"Just the omelet then? Got it."

As soon as Alex closed the door behind him Reid perched on the claw foot tub and hit speed dial one. 'Pick up the phone, Morgan.' Reid muttered to himself. 'I need to hear your voice so I can remember why I let him go.'

He lit up when the phone connected stuttering out a "Hi".

"Hi" The female voice on the other end was perky and far too excited. The 'I' in the 'Hi' elongated in that way dim witted bimbos always did. Okay that was mean. In spite of the jealousy and rage riding him he knew enough about his best friend to know that the chance that she had a PhD was slim. Morgan had never been that picky about his conquests. They served a purpose and left the next day. Maybe the problem was Reid wasn't savvy enough to know when to go away. When she said hi again he simply hang up.

Reid alternately scrubbed at his face and run cold water over his wrists. The reflection in the mirror startled him. His face was so pale; jaw clenched, hard eyes sparkling with unshed tears. It looked like he'd aged ten years in ten minutes. Uncomfortable under his own gaze he looked away washing his hands slowly. A few deep all-consuming breaths later he planted a hopefully not too fake smile on his face and headed back out. He would have a good time tonight and forget Morgan if it killed him.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked warily.

"I will take that drink now."

The beaming smile Alex laid on him brought a small measure of comfort.


	17. Chapter 17

Reid sat back down when Alex waved away his offer to help clear the dirty dishes from the candlelit table for two. He scooted down in the upholstered chair resting his neck on the comfy backrest and looked up at the sky. The big yellow moon, perfectly visible from the stone terrace seemed like it had come out just for them. Rolling the stem of the wine glass between thumb and fore finger he marveled at his relative comfort and ease. Once he'd made the decision to relax, he'd had a good time and this had ended up being one of their best dates ever. Alex at his most charming had drawn several snorts of laughter out of him over their unconventional 'breakfast for dinner' dinner.

A little numb from the alcohol he was able to check his phone without suffocating with emotion. Unconsciously noting that it was almost midnight he deleted Morgan's troubling text message and returned the phone to his pocket.

"I'm cutting you off." Alex threatened strolling back outside and taking the seat across from him.

"What no?" Reid reached for the half empty wine bottle. "I've only had two – no three glasses. I'm far from drunk."

"I know Sweetie but you are such a light weight that come morning," Alex slipped the bottle behind his back. "I don't want you to think I took advantage of you."

"Hmmm confident aren't you?" Reid leaned back, a private smile teasing his lips. The prospect of having sex with him was no longer terrifying thanks to Morgan's excellent tutelage. Ah irony!

"No. Just hopeful."

Pleasantly surprised by the flirtatious banter Reid couldn't hold back his laughter. His giggles of delight were abruptly cut off when Alex got up, cupped his chin and kissed him. After a brief hesitation Reid hummed angling his head and deepening the kiss. Unexpected pleasure slammed into him and he raised his hand, long slim fingers tangling in the black strands. Soft lips danced over his own and he rose to his feet wanting more, growling with disappointment when they were taken from him.

Alex chuckled brushing his brunette curls off his forehead. He shifted his head bringing his mouth to Reid's ear whispering. "Dance with me."

Reid took the proffered hand. "Word of caution," If he'd been sober he would not have accepted but as long as he was trying new things… "I can't really dance."

Alex set up the music player coming back with the slim multi buttoned remote in his hand. "Just follow my lead."

"Okay. I am all yours." Tipsy Reid drifted into his arms giggling when he tripped over his feet immediately. Were it not for the strong arms he would have fallen flat on his face.

At the opening bars and gravelly voice, Reid was helplessly cast back into the past. He'd always associated couples dancing at home as a symbol of happiness. His parents used to dance together when he was little. Sitting on the kitchen counter, watching as they twirled across the floor, so happy and in love was one of his favorite memories from his childhood. Then one day the dancing like the laughter tapered off until it finally stopped. For years afterward his mother would turn up the radio and dance with her imaginary husband eventually wandering alone about the house, a forlorn ghost. An unwilling witness to her pain he could only watch night after night as she waited - in her lucid and not so lucid moments - for his father to come back home.

Lost in the bittersweet memories Reid drifted closer burying his face in Alex's neck. The haunting lyrics -  _'How many roads you've traveled/How many dreams you've chased/Across sand and sky and gravel/Looking for one safe place.' -_ burned into his brain as if they had been written specifically for him.

That is exactly what he needed; a safe place. Turning into his mother would not be his destiny. He could spend the rest of his life waiting for Morgan to come home so to speak or he could take the love before him, freely offered. If he even thought about it for a second he knew there was no contest. Not really. Morgan was so complicated and uncommunicative. One minute he wanted Reid and the next he didnt. Weighed down by his past he might never be able to be what Reid needed. On the other hand being with Alex was easy, he was the logical choice. Pushing this debate to the back of his mind, Reid chose to live in the moment. His life was happening right now. He wasn't going to disappear into his head and miss it.

They continued to dance in the moonlight, heads close together. When Reid's annoying ringtone shattered the romantic haze, he slipped his phone out of his slacks checking the caller ID. Morgan. Of course. It's like thinking of him had conjured him like an evil villain from a fairytale. Mind made up, Reid quickly rejected the call and switched off his phone.

"Who is it?"

"Nobody" Reid murmured, stepping back into Alex's arms urging him back into rhythm.

Song after song played as they swayed. Lost in each other they traded soft kisses that got more fervent, more passionate, building the heat between them to unbearable proportions. Eventually they stumbled from the terrace to the living room to the bedroom stripping as they went. It was perfect except for the one awkward moment when Reid insisted on making love mostly in the dark. He didn't know how to explain the bruises and bite marks peppering his body. One lone lit lamp was the only witness to their coupling.

Reid shifted to his left side yet again as he battled insomnia. Alex was out cold right next to him, lying on his front, lightly snoring. The blue bed sheet draped low on his back revealing powerful shoulders and tattoos with intricate designs banding both his biceps. Delicately tracing the dark lines with one finger he wondered what the story behind them was. Alex was always so proper with his button down shirts and clean shaven preppy demeanor that the markings were a surprise. But he could wait, they had plenty of time to get to know each other better when Alex moved back to Virginia.

Thinking of home Reid couldn't believe he'd turned his phone off in a moment of impulse. As long as they were on call, all agents were required to remain in constant communication. Hotch would have his head if he found out. He got carefully out of bed and pulled on his boxers trying not to wake his lover. It would not take him long to fetch his phone from wherever he'd dropped his pants.

Several furtive searches later he finally traced his slacks to the living room. He turned on the phone with relief and was about to head back to the bedroom when it bleeped. He had a voice-mail. Going through the motions he retrieved it device pressed up to his ear.

"Don't be Hotch. Do not be Hotch!" He chanted. Worry creasing his face.

The voice that came through the line was just as bad, possibly worse. The first thing Reid noticed was how tired he sounded, the background noise fighting with his slurring voice for dominance. Morgan was in a bar. Big Surprise.

'Hi babe, guess you're busy. Oh god… I uh don't know where to start. Really wanted to talk to you. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. It's 1am and I'm in an airport bar in DC with some floozie." Morgan paused for a bit. Reid sank to the couch, prickles of alarm trickling up his spine.

"The raid went bad, very bad, I lost some men, I may not have known them but they had families…friends… I was calling the shots. It's all my fault. Anyway I just wanted to say that this is how I usually react when I have a bad day – with bars and strangers - but I have you now. Sorta. I don't have to be this guy anymore. We should talk when you get back. Be safe, angel. I miss you too."

In a daze Reid found himself outside once again goose pimples covering his exposed flesh. He stared at the moon ignoring the nip in the air. It now hang low on the horizon probably shining its countenance on other lovers. How many of them were with their true loves? Or taking comfort from the nearest warm body? He didn't even know which one he was. Feeling sick he held onto the metallic railing, hands freezing from the contact. He had to get out of here. The luxurious apartment now felt like a gilded cage. With him trapped in it. He turned around startled when the doors slid open.

"Hey I woke up and you were gone." Shirtless and barefoot Alex approached him. "What are you doing out here?"

"I have to go."

"Is it work?" Alex stood in front of him resting his palms on Reid's thin waist. "You're freezing."

His look of concern shamed Reid even as he recoiled from the physical contact "Ye-yes" He stammered through the chattering of his teeth. "I have to go." He repeated.

"Okay. Okay. Come on." Alex helped him inside to find his clothes.

They said their goodbyes at the elevator while Alex punched in his keycode. "Since you won't let me drive you or even walk you downstairs, I called you a car. It's out front. I will talk to you soon. Okay sweetie?"

"Thank you" Reid nodded kissing him back. He dodged the puzzled looks thrown his way, fiddling with his tie until the steel doors slid shut.

Reentering the two room hotel suite he was sharing with Rossi, Reid was surprised to find him still awake, his robe clad back to the door, eyes glued to the flat screen TV. Disheveled and embarrassed by his wrinkled clothing Reid attempted to sneak past him.

It backfired spectacularly when Rossi muted the volume and spoke up. "Don't tell him." He cautioned simply.

At these words Reid froze mid step. He turned back to Rossi as the old black and white movie played on, unwatched by either of them. "Don't tell who what?" He frowned wondering whether preoccupied with his own thoughts he'd missed the beginning of their conversation.

"Morgan. Don't tell him." Then giving him a knowing look Rossi turned back to the TV. "Goodnight Dr. Reid."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first song they were dancing to is 'One Safe Place' by Marc Cohn. Find it. It is amazing.


	18. Chapter 18

Reid looked up from his computer to find it was past seven o'clock. The bullpen had steadily emptied over the past hour or so and with the rest of the team back from DC any minute, he wanted to head home and get some rest before he faced Morgan in the morning. He was stuffing his messenger bag with old case files when a light went on in an office upstairs. Debating for a bit he took his time shutting off his computer and clearing his desk. He slung his bag over his shoulder needlessly adjusting the strap before glancing up again. The beckoning light was still on.

Conflicted Reid headed for the stairwell, taking the stairs two at a time, his footsteps were muffled on the gray carpet as he approached the brown door. Hand in the air raised to knock, he paused for a while waiting for his racing heart to slow down. His knuckles eventually rapped on the wood echoing on the emptying floor.

"Come in."

At the response he twisted the handle and walked in. Rossi sat behind his desk typing on his computer.

"New book?" Reid asked getting him to look up from whatever absorptive material he was viewing.

"I'm just bouncing some ideas around" The gray haired gentleman asked pulling off his glasses. "It's late. What are you still doing here?"

"Can we talk?"

"Sure" Rossi waved him to the black leather desk chair getting up and heading to the wall of shelves to the right side of the room. Reid perched gingerly on the seat twisting so he could see him. At a loss for words he struggled or a bit.

It had been two days since Boston. Disturbed by the revelation that Rossi knew what was going on with him and Morgan, Reid had withdrawn, strangely shamed and feeling like he had to justify his behavior to this man who was sort of a mentor to him. On the flight back he'd barely spoken. He felt boxed in by his choices and hated the fact that Rossi had witnessed the whole debacle.

"How did you know?" Reid settled on the question that had kept him up over the past few nights.

"I keep telling you people. I'm very good at my job." Rossi huffed. "I have been profiling for as long as you've been alive."

"Maybe it's time you retired again." Reid winced at the snide remark that came out of his mouth and he rushed to fix it. "Sorry. I'm under a great deal of stress."

"I understand. Drink?" Rossi questioned as he pulled out a decanter of brandy, reaching for two glasses before waiting for a reply.

Reid decided to let it slide. He didn't normally take refuge in alcohol especially given his recent exploits but he might need it for the coming conversation.

"What did you mean by I shouldn't tell him?"

"Don't make me spell it out." Rossi berated him. "We are both smart enough not to need the shelter of buffoonery. You more than me, of course."

Chastised Reid admitted, " I have to tell him."

"You will come to regret that decision." Reid shivered at the ominous tone. "Morgan doesn't trust anyone. Sure, he fakes it enough to get by but what do you think would happen if he finally let his guard down and trusted someone and they let him down?"

"But I have to tell him." Too overwrought to listen to reason Reid sunk further into the chair. "I won't be able to live with myself if I don't."

"You're young." Rossi said as he splashed brandy into two snifters. "You'll be surprised by the things you can live with when you love someone."

Reid took the glass Rossi offered him with gratitude; he cradled it in his palms swirling the liquid, deep in thought. "It's so complicated." He whispered.

"Matters of the heart always are." Rossi sat on the desk in front of him. With the lamplight beaming over his head he looked like a wise guru. "Three ex-wives later I still don't have all the answers. You should do what's best for you. My two cents: do not tell him until you've figured out what you want. It will cause more harm than good."

Reid tossed down the liquid grimacing when it burned down his throat. "Can you not tell anyone?" He pleaded. " About either of them I need time to sort out…"

"Your secret's safe with me." Rossi interrupted patting him on the shoulder. Reid was almost out the door when Rossi called him back.

"Yeah" He paused turning round.

"The hotel in Atlanta had very thin walls, that's how I knew."

Reid could still hear Rossi's dark chuckle as he raced out of the room, face aflame.

Morgan strode decisively into the BAU. He waved at several agents who were on their way out, declining their offers to go out drinking or clubbing. He needed to see Reid tonight, was determined to track him down so they could talk about the possibility of them becoming a 'we'. Rubbing his sweaty palms together he waited for the elevator to descend. He watched the blinking numbers countdown with the intensity of a man being led to the gallows, unable to believe how nervous he was.

It was just Reid, his Reid. It felt good to say it. 'His Reid'. He blew out a breath when he got on the elevator taking comfort from the fact that it would soon be over. He would ask Reid out. Reid would say yes. They would have an honest conversation and everything else would be ironed out somehow.

Morgan pushed the button and leaned against the metal railing. Looking back on that fateful day it's funny how everything came into focus. All the questions he'd been grappling with since their relationship had evolved into a physical one no longer carried the same weight. Even blind drunk, the feel of the hand with scarlet tipped nails brushing his thigh and teasing blue eyes across from him instead of brown felt wrong. Her breasts rubbing against his shoulder when he got back from the bathroom had crystallized it. Every nagging feeling he'd had since he walked into that bar had exploded into certainty that he wasn't where he should be. The realization that he wanted to be with Reid might have been a long time coming but he welcomed it when it did. The drunk-dial was unexpected but the next morning he remembered everything that he'd said and in the light of day he still stood by it.

However, the guilt as he thought of that day never really went away and he closed his eyes to ride it out. More ghosts to populate his already bleak dreams. At the loud ding he strolled out to the bullpen looking for his lover. He needed to touch Reid's skin, just lose himself in him and forget.

Turning into the large empty room, Morgan was surprised and happy to see Reid heading straight for him. "Hey" he called out. He ignored the slight hesitation in Reid's step and his tight smile as they met in the middle.

"I – uh – I"

Dread whipped through him as he watched Reid stammer. Instinctively Morgan began to back away from him, the hand he'd wrapped around the skinny neck began to detach. Something was wrong. Silently he cursed his gullibility, he'd known it was too good to last.

Fighting his natural compulsion to run, he took the cold pale hand and asked, "What's wrong?" His apprehension doubled when Reid collapsed into his arms, clinging hard to his waist with his bony arms. Morgan held on trying to soothe him, he stroked him trying to ease the slight trembling of his back. "Angel, talk to me."

"I'm okay." Reid pulled himself together and stepped out of Morgan's arms leaving him strangely bereft. "I'm just tired."

Surprised by the rapid turn around Morgan tried to just go with it. "Do you want to have dinner or drinks so we can talk?" When Reid just looked at him with sad eyes he couldn't fight his desperation. "Something? Anything? I'll even let you pick. How about that new Renaissance themed restaurant? You can preach about their lack of authenticity until they kick us out." He enticed.

"Maybe some other time. I have to go." Reid refocused on the distance far above Morgan's head blinking rapidly. Morgan's 'okay' was ripped out of him. He was surprised he could speak at all through the bitter lump in his throat. 'Tell him not to go, tell him you need him.' the voices in his head hammered at him. Years of conditioning and foolish pride held his tongue. He stood firm until Reid disappeared then he sagged to the wall. The repetitive slam of his head against it was a good excuse for the prickling tears. Closing his eyes, he breathed through the pain of rejection nails digging half moons into his palms.

Oh yeah! This is why he never put himself out there.


	19. Chapter 19

Bone tired, Reid trudged into the lobby of yet another hotel. Lately his life was a whirl of cases and cities and unsubs as he pushed himself to the limit tackling one vicious crime after another. He tried to fill every second of every day with busywork because if he stood still for even a heartbeat, unwanted emotions pushed to the forefront of his mind clamoring for his attention. It didn't help that he saw Morgan every time he turned around, his traitorous eyes seeking him out against his will. And when he got home Alex called like clockwork said he couldn't get to sleep until he heard Reid's voice. Problem was Reid couldn't sleep after he heard his voice.

Night after night he was up until the wee hours, the urge to confess nipping at his heels. Guilt sat on his chest suffocating him with its fiendish delight. He wasn't built for deceit and the lie he was living with ate at his soul.

Still walking long after the little group had stopped he slammed into Prentiss. "Watch it." She snapped picking up the bag she'd dropped.

"Sorry" He muttered stepping out of range.

They were all on edge having spent the last fourteen days chasing three brothers across the country. The unsubs had left destruction in their wake, raping and murdering 17 women until they'd caught up with them in Portland. The resultant shootout took all their lives as well as that of their latest victim and the strain of that loss was carved on all their faces.

"Bad news guys," JJ announced when she got back from checking them in. "They only have five available rooms."

"We'll share." Morgan grabbed the key gesturing at Reid.

"No!" Reid shrieked. Shifting with a nervous smile when everyone turned to stare at him, he rubbed at the odd tic in his forehead and tried to dial it down. "I mean I am not tired. I can head back to the station, wrap up loose ends."

"Everything's handled." Hotch replied. "Go get some sleep. We've got an early flight in the morning."

"I can't wait to go home." JJ moaned as she led them past the empty reception of the relatively high-class hotel.

"I need a shower and sleep." Prentiss jumped in. "Lots and lots of sleep."

Reid shuffled past them getting into the back of the elevator, their conversation drifting over him. Biting down on his lower lip he worried. It had been awhile since he had been alone with Morgan; it had taken careful engineering on his part to ensure that he was never on his own thus never allowing the opportunity for a personal conversation to take place. Then the Barker brothers had come along and consumed their lives. Now all the focus that had been placed on them was redirected falling smack dab on Morgan. If there was a way to get through the night without them talking or touching he didn't know it, and he got more agitated the higher they climbed.

Rossi, Prentiss and Hotch got off on the 4th floor heading straight for their beds. Reid remained silent, listening on while Morgan and JJ moved on to idly deconstructing the unsubs. Colder with ever passing floor he pulled his jacket closer around his body instinctively leaning forward into Morgan's personal space until he caught JJ staring at him.

"What?"

"Are you okay?" She asked facing forward when he nodded with a tight smile.

Reid hang back idling at the closed elevator letting them both take the lead. Reluctantly following them down the hall Reid was engrossed in the repetitive geometric pattern on the carpet. His steps matched Morgan's just five steps behind pausing when he paused. He waved when JJ said good night and out of habit they both waited until she turned the lock, the tumblers sliding into place with an audible click.

Two doors down they got to their room. Taking one last look towards the exit Reid gave in, there was no escape. Nothing left to do but walk in. His head hang low; he walked past Morgan who held the door open for him. He was careful not to brush up against him given how easily they combusted. Proximity was all his eager body needed and it began to hum in anticipation. Every time they were alone together it had been rewarded with pleasure, it was habit forming. Pavlov's dogs hadn't been half as well conditioned.

Morgan claimed the bed nearest the door removing his gun and badge and placing them on the side tables. Doing the same Reid could feel his eyes on him and he resolutely kept his head down. He placed his go bag on the bed, watching his partner do the same as they both went through their nightly rituals perfected after years of sharing rooms in strange cities.

"Toothbrush, find that toothbrush." Reid muttered under his breath. He rifled through the bag dodging several books. "Ouch!" What the hell? He picked up the three-pronged fork. How had that gotten in there?

Morgan was by his side in a flash. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"

"It's nothing. Just a – uh –" Reid held up the fork. "I have no idea how or where I got it."

"Salt Lake City." Morgan elaborated when Reid stared blankly at him. "The seafood restaurant? Rossi wanted crab? You lectured us on the differences between four tined and three tined forks. It was the longest 35 minutes of my life." Morgan teased taking his hand. The big thumb brushed back and forth over Reid's heating skin. Their eyes met and held. Just like that. Combustion.

He melted when Morgan grabbed onto the back of his head, fingers twisting in the thick hair. The urgency of their kiss was one of lovers reuniting after decades…wars… death instead of the mere 19 days they'd been apart. Reid clung to him welcoming the sweeping desire. Brutal fingers desperate in their need ripped his shirt from his body, the buttons popping off to land useless on the carpet. Shoving his bag to the floor Morgan tossed him onto the bed.

This was too fast they had to talk. "Wait – wait – wait!" Reid stumbled over his words. Ineffectual they fell on deaf ears; Morgan was more intent on stripping him of his pants than listening. He gasped when he rose over him, dark and domineering. Reid felt like exactly what he was; prey under a very powerful predator.

A hot tongue swirled over his hard nipple, sucking gently before biting down hard. Reid fought to control his heart rate, pulse tripping. Needing relief he moaned pushing up with his feet to rub on the hard body. Morgan lay on him pining him to the mattress and slipped a firm thigh between his. Reid's dripping cock throbbed as he ached to be stroked, taken and devoured.

"Morgan" He whimpered when his hot breath ghosted over his neck. He craved that bite as much as he feared it. Once those teeth set into his neck they'd be no turning back. "Morgan. Stop!" He yelled.

Morgan sat up straddling him. "I'm sorry." The look of worry on his face was painful to see. "Did I hurt you? I got a little carried away but you are usually right there with me."

For a moment Reid contemplated taking this out, Morgan would never have to know. He would learn how to live with the lie, take pills so he could sleep but his essential goodness wouldn't let him. If they were ever to survive he couldn't lie to him.

"What is going on?"

"I slept with him."

"Explain" Morgan asked through gritted teeth.

"I-I-I uh had sex with Alex."

Usually Morgan had a lot of control over his emotions and by extension his facial expressions, this was not one of those times. Through subtle movements of his brow and lips, Reid could trace his progress; from worry to concern to understanding to pain and then to rage. Morgan climbed off of him in slow measured movements careful not to touch him any more than he already had before retreating to the far end of the room. Flustered by his non-response, Reid sat up tracing his steps across the floor. Desperate to fill the void he started to explain. "It was a mistake…"

"Shut up!" Reid jumped when Morgan roared. "I don't want to hear it."

Self conscious in his undress, Reid got off the bed. Torn between getting his clothes and fixing their relationship, his brain short-circuited so he just stood there in the chilly silence waiting for the axe to fall.

"Why the fuck would you tell me?"

Reid teetered back when Morgan came after him. He had never been more aware of how much bigger than him the other man was, had never been on the end of a threatening gesture. He had never feared him until this moment. Morgan's face distorted with fury was not that of his friend or his partner or his lover.

Back against the wall Reid fought not to panic. Ignoring the domestic violence statistics filling his over informed brain he said. "I don't lie to you. I never want to lie to you. I thought you'd want to know."

He sighed with relief when Morgan strode away. After much swearing most of it random some of it directed at Reid he leaned against the closed door.

"What do you want me to say?" He growled. "That it's okay? That I forgive you?"

"Yes" Reid went after him. "I want you to understand that I made a mistake. A mistake that you drove me to." Despite his high shaky voice Reid tried to hold his ground.

"So this is my fault? Huh Reid?" Morgan's voice went up several decibels. "The only thing I have done wrong is trust you."

"I called you and one of your women answered the phone." Reid tossed back. "What was I supposed to think?"

"That's it? That's the reason for your revenge fuck. A girl answers my phone and you let somebody else inside you? Look at me." Morgan snapped waiting until Reid lifted his head. "I have not touched anyone since you." He turned, hands on the back of his head before swiveling back. "How long have you been lying to me for? I may not have an eidetic memory but I can clearly remember you saying you two broke up and that he was gone." He jeered. "I don't know why I'm so surprised by this, you cheated on him with me it only makes sense, right Reid? Once a cheater."

"Rossi was right." Reid said under his breath.

"Rossi?" Morgan jumped on the name. "Rossi knows! My instructions to you were simple. Nobody was supposed to find out. You agreed to those terms. How many other people have you blabbed to? You know what genius?" He spat out. "That's it! Get out."

Reid's 'Hotch knows' defense didn't even get off the ground. He was startled to find himself facing an open door. "What?" He mouthed.

"I cannot stand to look at you anymore. Get out."

"But –" What could he say? He had nowhere to go. Morgan knew that and obviously did not care. Reid had never seen him look so distant and so forbidding. Gathering up the last vestiges of his pride he squared his shoulders and walked out.

The furious blowing of the AC instantly covered his body in goose bumps and he wrapped his arms around his thin chest suddenly aware that he stood outside his room in his boxers. Turning to head back inside he realized Morgan had slammed the door shut behind him. He'd been locked out Hammering ineffectively at the solid wood half naked was a surefire way to bring hotel security. He had to think fast.

Darting down the hall he knocked at JJ's door checking to make sure no one was coming. This was one call he didn't need Hotch getting.

"Oh God!" JJ exclaimed at the sight of him standing there in his boxers. She leaned against the doorjamb phone loosely clasped in her right hand. "Is that stupid prank war still going on?"

Reid could feel the reaction begin to set in. Teeth chattering, stomach roiling he swayed lightheaded. What had he done?

"Honey, let me call you back." JJ whispered into her phone before hanging up. Taking Reid's hand she dragged him into the room and made him sit on the bed. His compliance scared her. Usually he'd be talking a mile a minute analyzing everything. She sat next to him on the bedspread when he still didn't say anything she asked. "What happened?"

Reid deflated before her very eyes. "I lost him." He whimpered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's good for everybody to hurt somebody once in a while, the things I do to people I love shouldn't be allowed.
> 
> Chelsea, Counting Crows.


	20. Chapter 20

"Lost who?" Confused JJ held onto him when he tried to get up. "Spencer, talk to me. What happened?"

"I can't. I'm not supposed to tell."

JJ sat helplessly by as Reid raged and ranted. The emotions that he'd held onto for so long burst out of him in an endless stream of agony. She held him when he finally fell into her arms sobbing and heaving in terrifying tearless cry. There was no opportunity to quiz him about the 'You and Morgan – are you kidding me?' so she just held on and helped him ride it out. Hours later, he finally gave into the exhaustion his body was battling and he crashed, blacking out and she did too still holding him tight.

Reid climbed out of the large bed tucking the covers back around JJ. His body was still heavy as he pulled on the white hotel bathrobe, the half hour nap not enough to power it but sleep once again eluded him and he had to rise. He smiled faintly when JJ snorted and buried deeper under the pillows. It felt like a lifetime ago that he'd dreamed of them ending up together like this. Not anymore.

He picked up the photo frame that she always had with her off the bedside table. Will and Henry made funny faces at the camera, the love between them evident even through the still photograph. Reid envied her, her beautiful family and the happiness she'd found with them. He'd set out seeking that same and ended up in a tangled emotional mess not really belonging with anyone. Albert Einstein had it right; insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It was a brand new day, time for him to leave his self-imposed asylum.

Reid walked to the floor length windows and pushed the heavy curtain to the side letting in as little light as possible. Just because his exile to JJ's room had once again triggered his insomnia was no reason for him to rob her of sleep as well. His eyes gritty, he gazed out onto the city, the sun was coming up. One of too many sunrises he'd seen in the past two weeks. The windowpane was cold to the touch numbing his fingers; he inhaled, soaking up the rays gearing up for the coming war.

"Reid?"

"Hey," He responded. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Did you sleep at all?" JJ sat up the duvet bunching up at her hips. She rubbed her fist across her eyes, yawning indelicately.

Reid crossed the room and sat next to her. "I needed to think."

"That does not sound good. Listen to me," She touched his knee squeezing gently. "You are pissed off, emotional and have been up for days. Your ability to make life-changing decisions has been compromised. Wait until we get home."

"It was the best possible time." He insisted. "I had an epiphany."

"Oh! Oh!" She muttered falling back onto the plump pillows. "Who will be stepping into the line of fire? Morgan or Alex? If it's Morgan can I get to him first?"

"Stay away from him." He ordered. All JJ did was roll her eyes at the ceiling ignoring him.

"What was the epiphany, genius?" She asked.

Reid rolled over settling on his back next to her. Lost in thought again, he started when JJ's elbow jabbed his side. He spilled without thought. "I can't do this with him anymore. I gave him everything. Everything. I have nothing left." JJ flipped to her side leaning over so she could see him better. She did that thing with her face when she was trying not to cry and he had to refocus on the ceiling so he would not fall apart.

"You think it's hard to hear, try living it." Reid persevered covering up the sniffling with words. "I don't know who I am anymore. I thought I could handle it, you know, have sex with him and not get attached but I was wrong. I thought it would be enough for me but I was wrong about that too. The fleeting moments of pleasure I got did not dent the paralyzing hours of insecurity and doubt that followed it."

"Oh my god, you love him!"

"I do. But I can't make him love me and I am tired of trying. Every time I fail I feel worse about myself."

"You should talk to him."

"What? Throw myself at his feet and beg him to love me? Hell no! I will not humiliate myself even more. I'm walking away while I still can."

"Reid. Tell him."

"No" JJ's sad blue eyes were depressing Reid further. So he sat up tightening the belt so his robe didn't flip open and strolled back to the windows. The sun had climbed higher lifting most of the city from shadow. "I never want to feel like this again."

"You love him. Running from your feelings doesn't make them go away. There is no escape. Trust me I know."

Reid could see her worried expression reflected in the pane of glass behind him. "I'm sick of everyone saying that, it is condescending and rude. Yes, you all dated in high school and college and have miles more experience than I do but I'm so tired of feeling inferior, like I'm never going to catch up."

"If it helps you didn't miss much." JJ stood next to him bumping his shoulder with hers.

"Do you think I should have lied about the – uh - cheating?" Reid asked. After Rossi's insistence and Morgan's rage at finding out he felt like the only person on the planet who valued honesty. You didn't lie to people you loved, you just didn't.

"It's not that simple." She dodged. "Truth has its time and place especially in relationships. Just because you are eager for absolution doesn't necessarily mean the other person will be ready to absolve you. And Morgan really? How did you not see his extreme reaction coming? For the two of you, a deathbed confession would have been the ideal choice."

"So if Will cheated on you, you'd rather not know?"

"That better be rhetorical." JJ threatened, wrinkling her nose at him. "Honestly, I don't know. What I do know is that once I found out something would change between us, possibly forever."

Mulling over her words he hesitated before laying the source of his most secret misery before her. "He scares me."

"What? Physically?"

"Emotionally." Reid clarified. "I'm drowning in my love for him. I am scared all the time…that he'll leave me for one of his bimbos, that he will never love me back, that he'll get gunned down by a reckless unsub… The list goes on and on. In the past few months, I have read a lot of love stories, poems, lyrics and self-help books. Lots of pontificating about the virtues of being in love, no one talks about the fear. I am in love with him and I'm terrified because I can't handle it. I am not emotionally equipped to handle him. It's easier to just let go. I have to let him go."

Reid leaned into JJ's soft body when she hugged him taking solace from her comforting, unconditional friendship.

xxXxx

Sometimes the greatest courage one will ever take is a single step. A step forward to claim responsibility, a step back to weep for loss or a step aside to start anew. Reid took all those steps from JJ's door to Morgan's. He twisted the brass handle, pushing the door wide. The vague hope that the room would be empty was snuffed out. His love was waiting for him.

Morgan swung round to face him, still wearing yesterday's clothes. Unshaven, he approached Reid pausing mid-step when Reid drew back. "I am sorry." The rasp of his palm on his stubbly chin was absurdly loud in the boxy space. "I am so sorry."

"So am I." Reid said.

He hadn't counted on running into Morgan so soon, he had hoped for time to get his words exactly right but that wasn't to be. He had now and it made a strange sort of sense that their mostly detached impersonal relationship would end in this unfamiliar place. It was sort of a blessing really, for he would never have to walk past a certain bench or tree or café and remember the pain of putting their failed affair in the ground.

"I assumed you were with JJ. That's where you were right?" Morgan hid his worry with chatter. "She must hate me too. I should probably avoid her for a couple of days, she's small but she packs a wallop." Reid gave him a rigid smile his focus on his go bag and clothes that were neatly folded besides it on the bed. Morgan followed his gaze. "I got your things together."

Reid nodded walking past him to grab his bag. In unnatural silence he got his toiletries and a spare set of clothes and headed to the bathroom. Head tilted, he reveled in the hot shower, the trials of the past night – the past few months really – falling off of him.

Fully dressed, he exited the steamed up bathroom, stopping short at the sight of Morgan sitting on what was temporarily Reid's bed fiddling with his phone. "Your phone was ringing." Morgan explained. "He – he called you. He was calling you all last night as well."

Reid took it from him sending Alex a short text and tossing it back on the bed. Aware of Morgan sitting right next to him he finished packing up and was zipping up when Morgan's hand landed on his.

"I overreacted." He pleaded. "I shouldn't have kicked you out."

Scratchy from the earlier emotional outpouring Reid's voice though low in timbre, no longer shook with doubt. "It doesn't matter."

"I wish I could take it back."

"Morgan?" Their eyes met for a pain filled moment. "It doesn't matter." Reid repeated.

"You're going to stay with him, aren't you?"

"I am." The finality in Reid's tone was unmistakable.

Morgan sprung up off the bed seizing his wrist. "Don't…"

Reid flexed his hand twisting free from the firm grip. He didn't want to have to explain but couldn't help himself. "What I don't want is to be alone any more, and even when I'm with you, I'm still alone."

Morgan watched him leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the way the world ends
> 
> Not with a bang but a whimper.
> 
> The Hollow Men, TS Elliott.


End file.
